dh didn't get a job he wanted very much

[helpmehelpme]

My dh has gone for a number of quite senior posts in his organisation over the last few years and has got very close but not got any of them. Yesterday he was told he didn't get the most recent one. Each one involves a load of preparation and work. He's devastated, feels passed over etc.

I just feel so sad for him and wish that he could get up the ladder another rung. But also he knows he's lucky to have his family and a good relationship and a much wanted baby on the way.

I just woke up so early and couldn't get back to sleep. I worry that he'll become bitter but don't think he will.

Feeling so so so sad!

I mean, I wish he could get another rung up the ladder for his own sake, I just want him to feel happy and successful in himself.

I encourage him that he still has a great job and is really good at it and that it's tougher the higher up you get to land those sought after jobs. I try to say that it feels personal but it's just harder the higher you go.

its hard when this happens because you feel so sad for them

maybe he would be better applying for more senior rolls in an outside company as its some times easier to move up that way and the present company might realise his worth and wnt to keep him

I would tell him to test the water

Does he ask for feedback on his performance? That would be a good place to start. He could work this feedback into a development plan so that he could either move up or move on.

Agree with llaregub, he should ask for a detailed convo with his line manager and look for positive ways he can work towards taking that next step

another option is to look outside the company, depends what industry he's in but sometimes you need to 'company hop' to gain the broad experience that make you attractive for those higher positions

Thnx for replies. Yes he's had initial feedback from the main decision maker who said the candidates were the strongest seen in years and the decision was very very tough. So that's something!
He would go outside the organisation but few places do exactly what they do which is why it's so competitive I guess. His attempts so far haven't happened yet, the industry is contracting at the moment making it much harder.

He feels a bit better today so I feel a bit better too!

If I were him I wouldn't accept that feedback as enough.

Agree with llareggub. I would recommend he ask for a meeting with his line manager for the specific purpose of discussing a personal development plan. He should ask what he needs to do to ensure that he is successful next time an opportunity comes up. What new skills, improvements in certain performance areas, people he needs to network with or whatever. Specifics.

Then discuss (with lots of the initiative coming from DH not the line manager) what DH will do to make those things happen, timescales, support he'll need get from the manager etc

I'm sure it's right that decision was tough blah blah, but if this keeps happening, your DH needs to take some positive action. Doing that will make him feel more in control, give him focus and improve his performance. Being positive and proactive will impress the important people and the resulting improvements in his performance will obviously help as well.