Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Two of my employees in a relationship

35 replies

GameOfJones · 17/05/2024 07:21

I have been informed by another colleague that two people I manage (in the same, small team) are in a relationship. I'm not surprised at all as I had noticed a bit of flirting and I'm genuinely happy for them. They are both great people and great employees.

We have a workplace relationships policy that says you should declare any relationship and that you cannot manage someone that you're in a relationship with. That's not the case here, they are on an equal level at work.

I'm slightly concerned about it effecting team dynamics or what happens if the relationship doesn't work out but I genuinely don't want to lose either of them as employees.

What would you do? I don't officially know as neither of them have told me.

OP posts:
user1471505356 · 17/05/2024 07:40

Nothing.

ExhaustedGoose · 17/05/2024 08:03

It depends if they can sign off each others work, or can influence things from their position in the team. If they're not doing anything they shouldn't then I'd leave them to it

ClairemacL · 17/05/2024 08:08

I’d leave them in peace unless an actual issue arises.

Left · 17/05/2024 08:09

Take guidance from HR.

qwertyqwertyqwertyqwerty · 17/05/2024 08:12

You need to speak to HR.
You can't just ignore something raised by another colleague.

DisforDarkChocolate · 17/05/2024 08:13

Do nothing unless it starts to cause issues at work.

sunnydaysanddaydreams · 17/05/2024 08:13

GameOfJones · 17/05/2024 07:21

I have been informed by another colleague that two people I manage (in the same, small team) are in a relationship. I'm not surprised at all as I had noticed a bit of flirting and I'm genuinely happy for them. They are both great people and great employees.

We have a workplace relationships policy that says you should declare any relationship and that you cannot manage someone that you're in a relationship with. That's not the case here, they are on an equal level at work.

I'm slightly concerned about it effecting team dynamics or what happens if the relationship doesn't work out but I genuinely don't want to lose either of them as employees.

What would you do? I don't officially know as neither of them have told me.

What I would do would be dependant on what the purpose was of the person telling me the colleagues were in a relationship. Is it impacting their work? Are they annoyed by it for a reasonable reason? If not and it's just gossip I'd leave well alone

KiwiOtter · 17/05/2024 08:19

You are relying on essentially gossip unless they confirm it / feel ready to tell you.

I don’t think you can do anything.

GOODCAT · 17/05/2024 08:20

Speak to HR but when this happened in a team I manage I separated them so they worked in different rooms. I also removed her line management of him. It hasn't been too bad as they are both decent people.

I have had issues with this happening in a team I was in, which was seriously awkward. My boss was in a relationship with someone I line managed and one of them should have gone in my view. Neither of them were focused enough on work. In the end she applied for a promotion she didn't get and she left.

GOODCAT · 17/05/2024 08:22

Also just to add there was gossip they were in a relationship and I got her line manager to ask her if they were together. They weren't, but she told him she had been asked about it and they then got together. She then came and told me about it.

Startingagainandagain · 17/05/2024 09:00

Nothing...

Frankly I would be more concerned about the gossipy backstabber who decided to stir things by telling you about them.

Unless it affects their work, it is none of your business.

It might have been an issue if one of them was managing the other, but you said that does not apply here so what is the problem?

If the relationship goes sour one of them might decide to change job but any employee can decide to leave for whatever reason and there is nothing you can do to prevent that, so again no issue there.

Most people spend a large majority of their life at work and it is not usual to meet a partner that way.

If I remember correctly, 1 in 5 people met their lifetime partner through work.

HugeCwtch · 17/05/2024 09:48

GOODCAT · 17/05/2024 08:22

Also just to add there was gossip they were in a relationship and I got her line manager to ask her if they were together. They weren't, but she told him she had been asked about it and they then got together. She then came and told me about it.

Of course they weren't together before you asked.....

Channellingsophistication · 17/05/2024 09:59

Unless it becomes an issue with their work, there is nothing to do here. Office romances are common arent they. I’ve known of many over the years. I’d worry more about the person who told you.

BananaLambo · 17/05/2024 10:05

Is there likely to be a conflict of interest, such as them selecting each other for the best projects even if they’re not the best people for that work? Or making others in the team feeling excluded by only wanting to go to lunch together? Either way, it would be worth just having a meeting with them to say that you’re pleased for them, and that the relationship stays outside the office - and they need to be professional at work.

Backfromhols · 21/05/2024 07:41

We had a similar situation, we don’t have a formal policy but I got the line manager to ask one of the employees if they were in a relationship …there was a potential conflict as one employee calculated payments for the other.

DecoratingDiva · 21/05/2024 08:08

If your workplace had a policy on relationships you need to follow it.

You can’t pretend you don’t know because another colleague has told you and you do know.

You also need to consider that if you don’t do what you are supposed to do as a manager and the other colleague is able to see you have done nothing they could escalate you to HR?

saraclara · 21/05/2024 08:20

It might be early days. Declaring their relationship after two or three dates would be a bit weird. Give it time.

And yes, what was in it for the informant?

GingerPirate · 21/05/2024 10:52

Oh dear, how unacceptable.
These people - adults, I suppose, will be in a relationship whether you approve or not.
You get rid of them and the next ones might do similar.
I know, human beings....
🤣

MathiasBroucek · 21/05/2024 10:59

There's some terrible advice above suggesting you ignore this. You know about this because someone has told you. And there is a policy which they seem not to have followed. Given you have management responsibilities, you need to talk to HR to get some advice.

BobbyBiscuits · 21/05/2024 11:04

Someone told you two others were 'in a relationship'. Ok. So are they cohabiting, been together for years, only hooked up a few times after work drinks? Surely work relationships are extremely common.
I feel it's just speculation and gossip. They're all at the same level and you can't exactly say ' X told me you two are at it, you must stop immediately else your contracts will be terminated'.

penjil · 21/05/2024 14:40

saraclara · 21/05/2024 08:20

It might be early days. Declaring their relationship after two or three dates would be a bit weird. Give it time.

And yes, what was in it for the informant?

Brownie points?

Or maybe it was a "teachers pet" type of employee?

Okigen · 21/05/2024 21:15

How confident are you about this? My office rumoured that a senior colleague and I were a couple, which annoyed the hell out of me. We were just very good friends. I didn't know until he left the country, and someone approached me asking how I felt about it.

BigFatLiar · 21/05/2024 21:37

Unless it's an issue with the other staff just leave it.

Where I worked (years ago) a young lady started a relationship with her manager, his wife found out and he left. Not long after his replacement came it was obvious it was starting again, he also left. New manager and a year later they both left and set up home together. He left his wife and children, she left her long term partner. Last time I heard they were still together.

It may all seem undesirable but it never seemed to bother the other staff or affect their work.

Epidote · 21/05/2024 21:50

Nothing, unless affects the working.

Pollerono · 22/05/2024 00:03

Loads of people meet at work. Shock horror. I would be careful of responding to gossip.

Swipe left for the next trending thread