no sex once baby

[Westcountrylegend]

NO SEXY AFTER BABY was born!! I hope you get where I am coming from albeit of my gender being a minority here.

Partner's sex drive has always been low and she even suggested early on that I was free to bring someone into the relationship sexually just to fulfil the missing part . I always found it off because i just take monogamy seriously .

Lost story short, both went smooth ,healed well and baby is 3 months now, first time we tried sexy slowly or went so well I assumed we are back to normal , since this attempt, she hasn't tried to give me any hint and I don't want to go overboard with hints as it will make her feel pressured. Baby is next to her and she stays dressed entire night etc which is a clear sign that no play will Happen.

I am sexually frustrated, I do work full time and I try to help as much as possible when I get home to allow her to wash and relax etc but it's not helping. I know she plays with herself etc so it's surely not that she doesn't have her libido( I see her toy washed at times ).

Anyway I am sexually frustrated, I have talked about it a bit but it's a subject that may affect someone at this stage so I have been careful to just mention it in a playful way but still nothing , What do I do to address this

You give her time and cope with less sex / no sex for a while.

It wont be the last time sex has to take a step back .

Her body and mind are recovering. She will feel touched out .

It was at least nine months for me .

Having a child does change the dynamic and the sex life .

Sorry bloke, I don't think she is taking sex toys 3 months post partum with the baby next to her.
Just not feasible.
Have you been watching too much porn maybe?

3 months is nothing post birth. Stop being so impatient.

Another awful, clueless man. 🙄🚩

You really see her "toy" washed?
3 months after birth is nothing. She's probably trying to find her own way around her body post birth, which doesn't necessarily have to involve you. She's the one who's been through it all and whose body has completely changed as a result. Back off. Do baby related things to help her as you should be doing anyway. Try to build the relationship back up between you before you try initiating sex again.

So why can't you masturbate?

You give it time and be understanding.

You work as a team and raise this family you have made.

If you require release you find ways without burdening your partner with the emotional load of this.

you need to understand that your partner will feel different physically and mentally. Your partner has grown and raised a child for well over a year, things will all feel different from an emotional, physical and physiological point of view.

You do more than your share of housework including mental load to help with this. I think you’ll find your whole relationship will benefit

It's not just her body that has to be healed and ready, it's hugely demanding and draining looking after a 3 month old. I was in a very low place at 3 months as the sleep deprivation had taken its toll. And when I was breastfeeding I already felt my body wasn't my own and didn't want anyone else pawing over it.

I saw a video that joked doing housework is foreplay for them, but actually seeing what needs doing and just doing it, with no expectations, frees up mental and physical energy that might lead somewhere.

The woman's had a baby ffs! Give her time to recover. Gosh after my second it took me 6 months to be comfortable with sex. My husband never questioned it at ANY time. He just wanted me to be ready.
I don't think you're being reasonable here. Be understanding that she's gone through alot mentally and physically and sex probably isn't top of her priority list right now.

I'm kind of hoping this isn't real because you seem so clueless. You didn't get a new car 3 months ago, you got an additional human life in your household. If you haven't felt the full force of that (which by the sounds of your post, you haven't), then she's feeling (and carrying) it all!

You work full time, she's currently working 24 hours a week / 7 days a week (you taking the baby so she can shower isn't a break btw).

Her body may be physically recovered (or not) but the changes to her hormones and body are still in flux. It takes most women months and months (sometimes years) to feel anything like their normal selves pre birth. Believe me, most of us wish we could speed that up too, it's hard to lose yourself in the mist of new motherhood. But it takes time and you need to show patience and support her as much as you can.

You knew you are marrying someone with a low sex drive from the very beginning, still proceeded to have a child and now upset with the outcome?? That's on you tbh

3 months is nothing! Your body takes much longer than that to recover, physically and emotionally. I wasn't ready for sex for 7 months and even then we went slowly.

On top of that, she has a small human attached to her for the majority of the day (and potentially night). I imagine the last thing she wants is someone else touching her right now.

Be supportive, offer practical help and opportunities for her to rest & relax. Most importantly, go at her pace!

Bad news for you buddy. Women can go off sex for any time at any reason. I went from nympho to nun overnight at the age of 35 for no apparent reason 🤷‍♀️ probably just changing hormones. Women dont owe you sex, if you were single, what would you do?

I strongly suspect she is fucking knackered, weak and possibly a bit sore. Relieve some of her burden, help her get her energy back.

Here we go. The man haters are out in their droves.

I would try raising the question about how she’s feeling about intimacy right now in a non-confrontational way. Keeping the lines of communication open and being honest with each other about your feelings are key to any marriage, and you definitely want to strengthen your marriage now you have a baby.

You mention your sex drives were mismatched anyway – how mismatched are we talking? Because these things can exacerbate over time.

It’s OK for her not to be ready to resume sex. It’s OK for you to miss sex. Talk to each other.

Always a tricky stage to work through. Being realistic your main focus as parents will be on your young baby and the feeding, changing, etc can be physically and mentally draining. Sexual desire more likely to take a backseat added to less opportunities for time for two of you.

Would say though that maintaining some form of intimacy and affection (even if it doesn't lead to sexual activity) is important to keep connected. Compliments and making each other feel desirable are important too. It does get better over time but yes, you will have to be bit patient too and give her bit of time.

Give her some time. She will be feeling exhausted, touched out, hormonal and probably dislikes her changing body. It takes a while to feel like yourself after having a baby, men will obviously never understand all this as they don't have to go through child birth etc. Make sure she feels loved, tell her she is beautiful, help her where you can, cook her dinner etc.

Loads of my mum friends haven't wanted it at all and we've got toddlers now. It's so individual and about communication more than anything I think once someone is saying they're physically ready. Support her as much as possible in your family life. Make her feel part of a team and cared for at this vulnerable time. Her brain and body have literally changed. It's a process.