I'm not sure about my relationship any more

[Yellowcoke]

There's a few problems happening in my relationship. Me and my partner are with each other 6 years. Engaged for about 4 and half. The idea of planning a wedding with him fills me with dread. Within 5 months of our engagement whatever sex we were having drindled from about once a month down to about 2 or 3 times a year. Now, it's nothing. I can't remember the last time I had sex with him. The sexlessness came from his side for the most part. Since last year I stopped sleeping with him because I just can't give up my space like that.

But that's not all.

He never developed any hobbies outside of our relationship. He doesn't read books or listen to music or go to gigs or have any other hobbies.

He's currently on sick leave from his work and I am so sick of being on the receiving end of this. He's bored and agitated and wishes to spend his time through me or something. I don't know.

I am not sure about this relationship any more. On the rare occasion that we do go out, he doesn't make an effort any more. It's just jeans and a t-shirt without ever dressing up. I don't like that either. Whereas I make an effort with a dress or skirt or whatever. He doesn't.

He would do anything for me. If I needed anything he would be there for me but we just don't make love any more.

Get out now

I'm not in love with my partner any more. I tolerate him but that's it. There's no excitement any more.

I have a crush on my gay hairdresser and I fantasise about him more than I do about my partner.

It was May of last year when I changed bedrooms and stopped sleeping with him. I wanted him to want me and to earn a place beside me at night, I wanted him to want to come back to me. He never did. It's been a year without sleeping with me aside from two weekends away. He never once tried with me. Without sex we are nothing more but just friends. He hasn't even tried. This knocks my self esteem down so much too.

So - You're not in love with him any more. When you say you tolerate him - speaks volumes.

Sounds like he hasn't any life or love left in him?

You're just friends. Best to get out amicably, and stay friends.

It’s obvious that you can’t marry him and go into a sexless marriage that you don’t want. End it now!

The idea of planning a wedding with him fills me with dread.

So don't.

Time to cut the rope and break things off rather than continue living this half-life with him.

Op, the relationship is over. It really is ok to admit it to yourself. Of course you can't marry this man. Time is ticking and you've only got one life. Six years is more than enough time to have invested in this absolutely dead end relationship. Staying with him is unfair to you and to him.

Thank you so much for all of your replies.

I need to build up the courage to call this off with him.

I'm utterly utterly utterly depressed with this man. Any time we chat on the phone I get a bad tone from him. He's currently off from sick leave and I find it all so overwhelming because I still have a job to go to. I just sometimes feel his tone is condensing.

Back to the sexlessness the only thing I can think of is that he got a ring on my finger and he thought his job was done. The sexlessness appeared within a few short months of our engagement. He's never once sought help from his GP about his issues.

I'm so depressed in this relationship. He would fall over himself to help me but the sex is gone, gone, gone, gone, gone, gone. This isn't what I signed up to when I accepted his proposal.

I feel smothered.

I have a gay hairdresser that I love more than my partner.

As you've been engaged nearly 5 years doesn't he ever mention booking a wedding? Not that I'd be doing that with him of course

Have you asked him directly why no sex?

Does he want children? If he does how does he propose creating them?

Run is my advice

He suggested wedding planning many times but I keep making excuses and throwing it off. Because I have very deep resentment now about this relationship.

I never asked him. At this stage. I don't want to know a why. I think it's porn. He can get an erection for masturbation just not for sex with me. It doesn't matter why any more. I am not happy in this relationship any more and I want out. He could have fixed this at any point over the past number of years but he never did because he clearly doesn't care about us. He says he loves me but his actions say otherwise. Everything in his actions. On any rare occasion that we do go out, he doesn't make an effort to clean himself up. He's like a dirty farmer boy and that's seriously not attractive any more.

So you know you want to split up, what needs sorting to do it?

Well done you. Takes some guts. Keep strong