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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Checked out of marriage?

5 replies

Redrobbbin · 16/05/2024 22:17

I can’t find many threads.
Have you ever, or do you feel as though you have checked out of your marriage?
I’m pretty sure DH knows as we have had a few arguments recently and we are completely avoiding each other.
I feel like I am the one causing the issues but after so many years of unresolved conflict due to his communication issues, I feel like I’ve emotionally checked out.
I actually feel in quite a low place and I’ve had so many comments about how much weight I’ve lost.
I’ve asked for marriage counselling, he won’t go. He basically said forgive and forget or he’s going. I guess the pressure of that is also weighing heavy on me too.
i can’t see a way back to be honest.

OP posts:
Imgoingtobefree · 16/05/2024 23:14

I checked out of my marriage when my husbands emotional abuse and bullying got too much for me. I didn’t realise what it was at the time, I just knew I was very very unhappy.

Divorce was a fantasy for me because I was too scared to confront him.

It tends to be a vicious circle - you check out, they react by being nastier, you withdraw some more, they get worse.

If your husband won’t do relationship counselling, I strongly suggest you get some therapy for yourself. This is what I did. I am sure my husband thought the therapist would be telling me my expectations were too high etc, but instead she said he was an entitled bully.

I knew we were one big row away from splitting. I finally said relationship counselling or it was the end. He said “fuck off and get your divorce”.

The divorce has been hell, for the very simple reason that he is an entitled bully. But I still can’t believe my luck that I will eventually be free of him.

Is divorce really that bad for you?

I understand what you say about unresolved conflict - I thought this was a communication issue with my husband too. It turned out it was deliberate manipulation by him to make sure he always got his own way. Your husband telling you to forgive and forget or he’s going, sounds manipulative to me. He’s not willing to listen to you or consider your feelings. He’s effectively saying, my way or the highway.

First thing, find a good therapist (chartered clinical therapist). Then use them to help resolve your next move.

Best of luck.

Redrobbbin · 17/05/2024 07:14

Imgoingtobefree · 16/05/2024 23:14

I checked out of my marriage when my husbands emotional abuse and bullying got too much for me. I didn’t realise what it was at the time, I just knew I was very very unhappy.

Divorce was a fantasy for me because I was too scared to confront him.

It tends to be a vicious circle - you check out, they react by being nastier, you withdraw some more, they get worse.

If your husband won’t do relationship counselling, I strongly suggest you get some therapy for yourself. This is what I did. I am sure my husband thought the therapist would be telling me my expectations were too high etc, but instead she said he was an entitled bully.

I knew we were one big row away from splitting. I finally said relationship counselling or it was the end. He said “fuck off and get your divorce”.

The divorce has been hell, for the very simple reason that he is an entitled bully. But I still can’t believe my luck that I will eventually be free of him.

Is divorce really that bad for you?

I understand what you say about unresolved conflict - I thought this was a communication issue with my husband too. It turned out it was deliberate manipulation by him to make sure he always got his own way. Your husband telling you to forgive and forget or he’s going, sounds manipulative to me. He’s not willing to listen to you or consider your feelings. He’s effectively saying, my way or the highway.

First thing, find a good therapist (chartered clinical therapist). Then use them to help resolve your next move.

Best of luck.

Everything you have said has rang true to me but you start feeling like you’re the problem when you withdraw, don’t you?
I do think therapy for just myself would be beneficial. I will have a look at that this weekend. I just don’t feel like myself at all. We’ve just had the big row. I don’t think there’s a way back to be honest. I know my mind is done, but my heart isn’t and I can’t bare breaking the kids hearts either.
im glad you are free and sorry the divorce is so hard!

OP posts:
Imgoingtobefree · 17/05/2024 08:54

The thing is if they are manipulative, everything is somehow always going to be your fault.

I had something similar and my therapist said the way I was reacting was a completely normal response in the circumstances. So you are acting in a natural way when you withdraw from someone who is upsetting you.

I know my husband thought he was a perfectly normal, reasonable, kind and generous person and anything wrong was entirely down to me being anxious, sensitive and overthinking.

The thing is they train you for years to devalue yourself, or the things that make you, you - get ground down over the years. I have lived for the last 10 years in a state of powerless resentment, but I am finally breaking free and discovering the old me is still there.

I can’t help you regarding your children, mine was moved out by the time we split. MN users generally tell you a happy single mum is usually better for kids than a mum modelling an unhappy marriage.

Im much older and my only regret was that I didn’t leave sooner.

Therapy was a life saver for me. I cried an awful lot. It broke my heart to realise my husband had been manipulative from the very start of our marriage.

Good luck. Find a really good experienced and well qualified therapist. See someone local face to face. Look for someone who is mature but has done the related 3 year university degree, annd more. Expensive, but worth it. You will be putting your whole life into someone else’s hands.

roastedrapidly · 21/05/2024 10:35

I have checked out.
After years of struggles and trying to work on our marriage my DH has stopped trying, stopped communicating and not affectionate with me or even interested in having a conversation. At first I got upset, pushed for conversations, asked for attention, intimacy. He called me demanding, says he's exhausted after a hard day at work and doesn't feel like people or conversation. He goes for long runs to be on his own and away from me it seems.
Something just changed for me one day, the feelings of craving a connection with him just weren't there anymore. I'm not invested in us, it's been like getting blood from a stone for so long I just ran out of emotion.

I'm going to have to actually leave the marriage now, I don't even know where to start unravelling 25 years together. I'd love to feel love again with someone one day.

Redrobbbin · 21/05/2024 16:03

roastedrapidly · 21/05/2024 10:35

I have checked out.
After years of struggles and trying to work on our marriage my DH has stopped trying, stopped communicating and not affectionate with me or even interested in having a conversation. At first I got upset, pushed for conversations, asked for attention, intimacy. He called me demanding, says he's exhausted after a hard day at work and doesn't feel like people or conversation. He goes for long runs to be on his own and away from me it seems.
Something just changed for me one day, the feelings of craving a connection with him just weren't there anymore. I'm not invested in us, it's been like getting blood from a stone for so long I just ran out of emotion.

I'm going to have to actually leave the marriage now, I don't even know where to start unravelling 25 years together. I'd love to feel love again with someone one day.

See we’ve had an argument and he’s trying but not in the ways I want him to. But I’m at the same stage as you now and feel completely done. It’s so hard isn’t it. You’ve been together probably double the amount of time as I have but the thought of breaking up knocks me sick.

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