I checked out of my marriage when my husbands emotional abuse and bullying got too much for me. I didn’t realise what it was at the time, I just knew I was very very unhappy.
Divorce was a fantasy for me because I was too scared to confront him.
It tends to be a vicious circle - you check out, they react by being nastier, you withdraw some more, they get worse.
If your husband won’t do relationship counselling, I strongly suggest you get some therapy for yourself. This is what I did. I am sure my husband thought the therapist would be telling me my expectations were too high etc, but instead she said he was an entitled bully.
I knew we were one big row away from splitting. I finally said relationship counselling or it was the end. He said “fuck off and get your divorce”.
The divorce has been hell, for the very simple reason that he is an entitled bully. But I still can’t believe my luck that I will eventually be free of him.
Is divorce really that bad for you?
I understand what you say about unresolved conflict - I thought this was a communication issue with my husband too. It turned out it was deliberate manipulation by him to make sure he always got his own way. Your husband telling you to forgive and forget or he’s going, sounds manipulative to me. He’s not willing to listen to you or consider your feelings. He’s effectively saying, my way or the highway.
First thing, find a good therapist (chartered clinical therapist). Then use them to help resolve your next move.
Best of luck.