Weird gut feeling about this situation

[contemplating107]

I ended a really unhealthy relationship late 2023, and a couple of months ago I started dating again - not really looking for a relationship (unless I so happened to meet the LOML) I was open to having a more casual arrangement with the right man.

I went on a couple of dates with a man and found him attractive, no deeper compatibility but that didn’t bother me as we had fun together and as I say, a relationship isn’t a priority for me at the moment. We started sleeping together, all seemed well.

But the last couple of times we have spent time together, I’ve noticed a few personality red flags in him - but I’m not sure if I’m overthinking it since I’m only seeing him casually anyway. But I’m on the fence about if I should end things anyway.

The main thing is he has mentioned quite a few random anecdotes where he has a ‘crazy ex’ or a woman who is supposedly obsessed with him. Secondly, there has been a few times where he has made backhanded compliments towards me, I feel like it could be a bit of a power play or way for him to feel like he has the upper hand in the dynamic. Which seems so needless - because I am happy with just seeing him casually, going on dates here and there and sleeping together, but now I have got to know him a bit better I just have a bad gut feeling about him.

Am I overthinking this and should I just enjoy the sex and speak to him less so his personality doesn’t keep putting me off? 😂

Personally, I couldn't sleep with someone if I didn't like them, even if just a fuck buddy. But you guys seem to be going out on dates as well as sleeping together. You should enjoy their company - you might not want a relationship but that feels like the very least you should hope for.

The things you've noticed will just become bigger and bigger - it's the start of the ick!

Get out. I had a similar relationship. I didn't want anything more than a bit of company and a bit of sex.

he seemed to hate the fact that I didn't give a dam about other women in his life/ had been in his life. It seemed to drive him crazy. He just got more controlling (or tried to) until I eventually got him to sling his hook.

Get rid, no-one needs a fuck buddy that makes them overthink.

The thing is we do get on really well and have a laugh together - but some of his personality traits are becoming more noticeable now I’ve known him for longer. I just sense this underlying arrogance which is off putting. Which is a shame because he’s incredibly attractive and I do really enjoy our casual arrangement - but I think you’re right, the things I’ve noticed will just get worse over time until he is intolerable

Yeah I wonder if this is part of it - I really don’t give a shit about other women he’s been involved with, but he repeatedly brings it up, it’s odd and makes me feel like it’s strategic on his side. Maybe it’s similar to your situation, it’s just not worth the headache is it

Don't do it. It's not worth it.

This is just a complete waste of your life.

I was involved with someone that sounded very similar, for some sad reason I think they crave attention, I think they even enjoy the 'crazy obsessed' person as normally you would just block and not keep mentioning them if they were that unimportant to them. (Probably a lie and the ow isn't crazy at all)
Sounds like too much hassle, even for a casual relationship, definitely don't put up with back handed compliments from anyone that's just mean.

I would just cool things. There are others out there who are more worthy of your time.

Ah the crazy ex still mad about him. Love that line. Get rid of him.

Your sex life has become a war zone of one upmanship.

Cease and desist if you want to retain your sanity.

He's an immature petty man.

Yep ditch him

This is why many men are not suitable fwb. It's like they can't let things be mutually nice. Like it's a power struggle where they have to 'win'.

He's not suitable for casual as he's a headfucking twat.

Casual should be easy, nice, fun.
He'll make it draining and an attack on your self worth.

Dump.

Hi OP

It's hard to say without meeting your new friend. But, from what you said, IMO, the bloke is shallow and blames others for his weaknesses

Yes, recent break-ups etc do play hard on peoples minds, therefore be careful, take a step back and see what he says - you may find out what he is really like if you offered to step back

Also, be aware, men as well as women can be predators and after your wealth.

I've seen people fall in love with a flashy person that wears designer goods and takes their new OH out to nice places etc but in reality, the car is on HP, payments they cant afford and everything is on CC's they cant afford.

They say, "love is blind" and it is to a good extent, so nothing wrong with being on your guard. When you ask question, see what the response is or their attitude and if you don't like that, end it

Marriage is not what it was years ago and that is a fact

He’s probably bragging to others that you are obsessed with him too and that he’s playing you. Sounds like the type. I personally can’t do casual sex I get too invested emotionally but thats just me. At the very least though surely you need to actually like them? Surely it’d be damaging to keep sleeping with someone you find arrogant or don’t trust? I’d end it he sounds like a wanker. (So let him wank instead lol)

Your gut instinct is trying to help you out here. Listen to it. Sack him off.

besides, this niggling feeling will eat into your enjoyment of the casual thing you’ve got going on as it will become impossible to ignore.

trust yourself

This. Why bother?

Trust your gut it's there to keep you safe.

I think these type of flings have a short shelf life and this one has reached the sell by date!

lol too true