My mother and I have always had a difficult relationship. We don't see eachother often due to distance but we are (were) in regular contact via text and things seemed better. She would send me cute gifs/memes several morning a week. I work full time and have a young family but I would reply soon after and quite happily natter away by text through the day. I guess she was always the one to instigate it but I was always happy to hear from her and certainly wasn't giving any kind of cold shoulder.
I've noticed that over the past 6 months, she hardly bothers with me. She will text once a week and her messages are very short and abrupt if not just a thumbs up or ignoring me totally.
I've been trying to get things going like they were before but it's like flogging a dead horse. I think it's a test to see how long I will go but honestly, I really do have a busy life and find myself having to go back and check when we were last in contact and its always her that has left me on read. I need more of a back and forth to keep the momentum going and currently I'm scraping the barrel to ask what her plans are or how the dog is or what the new picnic table is like etc amd getting the bare minimum back.
For context, she has always been very sensitive and easily offended and actually quite manipulative amd guilt trippy (absolute master of it: she leaves no evidence whatsoever but you know your heartstrings have been played without anybody seeing anything!). I've been having counselling over the past few years and have realised our relationship isn't normal. I have really good relationships with literally everyone else in my life; DH, colleagues, lots of (low drama) friends etc.
Am I right in thinking that maintaining contact shouldn't be this difficult? Our relationship is very fractious with so many cracks papered over in order to maintain peace and stability. We do not do open conversations because both of us get very defensive (I don't get defensive with anyone else, in fact, I'm an open book with everyone else). There has always been a weird mix of knowing she loves me very much but also feeling that she really, really dislikes me at the same time.
I'm absolutely exhausted trying to figure it/her out and so weary of feeling like a bad daughter. I've felt like this for decades and all I want is for things to feel normal but I always feel like I'm the bad guy. Anyone else will say that I am actually a pretty decent, normal, warm, caring person.
I'm just so, so tired of this. I'm tired of crying over it and of thinking of it all the time.