I feel so down and lonely

[thumbwar]

Last 4 years of my life has been upside down. Marriage broke down. Then go involved with a guy who manipulated emotionally abused me. He blocked me last year and ended it left me completely crushed and broken. I started feeling better and after 6 months he come bk begging me to give it another go telling me he had changed loved bombed me. Any way after another 6 months begging I give in.

He ended it with me 2 weeks ago again. Blaming me.

I'm stronger this time around he only ended it because I called him out on his shit and pointed out when he was trying to manipulate me.

I have been ok I miss him but I know it will pass.

But today I feel so sad down and lonely. I went bk on to antidepressants and they ruin my sleep.

I haven't asked any thing I think I just needed to let it out. I'm really struggling 😔

Your self esteem seems very low. Avoid being in a relationship until you can give yourself what you need, instead of looking for others to provide you with whatever is missing from your own life.

Have been where you are, so you have my full sympathy. Life will get better but only if you focus on and prioritise YOURSELF.

Start exercising, even if just a half hour power walk every day (or build up to that).

cut out any processed foods.

completely avoid alcohol if it has become a crutch for you (or slowly cut down, replacing booze with hot baths/showers and early bed times)

Sounds like you shouldn't be in a relationship right now - you're too fragile.

Please take some time out - Bugger off on a yoga retreat for a while, whatever.

And try to get straight off the antidepressants - you're depressed about the shit you got going on, you'll stop getting depressed when you change that.

Hang in there OP, things will get better. Focus on you and get yourself some small treats to let you know you deserve to be looked after nicely. Keep doing that until you believe it, because it's true 💐

Hand hold. That sounds awful but that you’re in the right place now. Look how you have managed to get rid of men who don’t treat you well! You got this.

Have a really long think about the (non-men) things that make you happy or relax you. Make sure to do something on the list as many times a day as you can. Mindfully notice when you are enjoying living in the moment. Notice when you are thinking about the ex and stop yourself from doing that too much.

Find a saying or mantra that resonates with you and keep saying it to yourself.

It’s early days so expect to be ok one day and not ok the next.

What a shitty bloke. Bet you are glad you got the guts to call him out, and bet you are glad he is gone.

Blokes like that treat you badly because the have done it to someone else before you and so use the same tactics over and over. They never stay in a relationship for long because of how they are as people. Your ex knows how to reel you in now, so will use these tactics again, but it seems you now know all about the hoovering, the love bombing and the emotional abuse that follows.

You know you deserve so much better, I hope your sleep improves, and that each day gets a little easier. Its shitty having to deal with shitty men, so give yourself a massive 🤗 before long you will think back and just have the biggest ick over him.

No one is worth medicalising yourself for. To the point you can't sleep properly

He is just one awful.man.

Put your energies into safely coming off the antidepressants.

Read some escape literature, book a holiday.

Being on anti ds myself that is the crappiest advice to give someone who is feeling low and fragile. Give your head a wobble!.

To thumbwar, it's early days my lovely, give your anti ds time to start working (4 weeks at least), practise some good sleep hygiene, the military method works quite well. I have insomnia so I sympathise.
Lastly a huge well done on recognising this mans shitty behaviour, it may feel awful now, but you've had a lucky escape. Sending a hug x

OP, maybe ask your GP to swap you onto mirtazapine instead of your current antidepressants. It really helps with sleep.

Yeah, do not come off to your meds right now, that was awful advice. Speak to your GP. Things can be adjusted to help with sleep!

Thanks for all your advice.

Yes I will go bk to docs. I definitely think the worst thing to do is come off medication. Feeling worse today hopefully will pass soon

Stay on your meds OP, re sleep issues l find listening to guided meditations help, l don't know if you have tried that? There's lots on YouTube and a soothing voice can be very calming and might help you relax and drop off.

Yes they have helped in past the meditations I will try again. I did try last week but my mind was in overdrive I couldn't relax I will go bk to them tho x

You will feel and be better, even if it doesn’t seem like it right now 🌸 Hang in there, feel the feels, and you will come out at the other side. Processing a divorce takes time. Processing a shitty post-divorce-relationship takes even more time, but it’s part of the process. If you have the resources, treat yourself to therapy / counseling. You are allowed to be struggling.

@thumbwar l like the guided meditations by Linda Hall, there are lots by her on You Tube, all varying lengths. Her voice is incredibly relaxing, very steadying and grounding and great for helping you fall asleep. Hope they work for you.

My simple advice would be to join a club to meet new friends and take part in sport. Something to divert your mind from other things that are going on if at all possible.

I agree with Doris does Doncaster comments.

Good luck OP