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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What would undiagnosed bipolar look like on a man

3 replies

Aquestion4u · 16/05/2024 15:45

My 50 year old partner has such a complicated personality and ive always felt he has an underlying thing going on. His daughter has been diagnosed with bipolar. Is there a chance he could be the same? What would it look like?

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MoonWoman69 · 20/05/2024 18:54

Very low lows and then excitable highs. Hence bipolar used to be known as manic depression. My best friend and I have just come to the realisation that this is what he has. He was mis-diagnosed years ago with depression. I sent him a link to a site describing bipolar disorder and he said it was like reading about himself. Which I also agreed with.
People suffering from it are rarely stable for long, they're either hovering around a low or heading up to a high.
In a low phase, they are unreasonable, argumentative, angry and irrational. They say hurtful things, which they actually don't mean, but they can't stop doing it. (I likened it with my friend, to being possessed by a demon, they can't control what they say at the time they say it and he said that was spot on).
Coming out of a low phase, they are apologetic, ashamed, embarrassed and can see they were being all the above but couldn't stop it.
High phases are productive, positive (overly so) they can brag about their past/present achievements, talk fast, talk over you, (then apologise, but still keep doing it). They come across as being pleased about the small stuff, overly pleased sometimes, almost like it's false and they're trying to convince themselves more than anyone else.

Overall it's exhausting, for both the sufferer and anyone around them. My friend lost his family, his home everything due to it. He is currently trying to get his head round the fact that this hasn't been depression at all. It's a lot for him to take in, but I have told him I will support him in any way I can. He has nearly driven me away several times. But I knew he was struggling and I just couldn't leave him to it. I love him too much to do that.

I worked in mental health for 22 years, but in all that time, I have never dealt with anyone suffering with bipolar. So the penny wasn't dropping, until I typed his symptoms into Google. I then worried for a day or so as to whether I should send him the link. I did and now he has a doctors appointment, which he's asked if I'll go with him on, to fill in the blanks, so to speak. He now has light at the end of the tunnel, as I've researched all the meds available that will suit him. He now recognises his symptoms and phases and no longer fights them, as he has an idea what it is now.
Seeing the partial relief (until his condition is confirmed on the appointment) is lovely.
He's gone from saying he's not normal, to accepting he has something more than just depression and now he has hope. 🌹

Thethuthinang · 20/05/2024 22:55

Times of deep depression, low energy. Occasional intense rages. Paranoia. Manic episodes involving very bad judgement about money and risk. Person can be very charming in manic phase and can persuade others.

Aquestion4u · 26/05/2024 15:03

Wow this is interesting. The last 2 weeks i feel like i dont know him. Hes being vume with words. Saying im doing xyz and in the past ive done all these terrible things to hurt him. Like speaking to his family members when ive been upset amd concerned for him. Hes very me me me all the time. When he gets money hes stupid and reckless and irresponsible with bills. When hes low he talks about me in the most empty cruel ways. When he feels good hes so proud of me. Loves me so much. Would be lost without me etc

His bipolar daughter has been ill for several months now. Since shes been back in contact ive noted hes gone off the rails again almost like shes inspired him to fall apart.

I dont know. I dont think he will entertain it. But i think i finally see whats happening. Hes also been depressed for years and struggled with substance abuse . Hes lost alot of people due to his harsh outbursts and stubborness around apologising and owning his shit.

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