No sex

[barleysugarqueen]

I'm middle aged overweight but still very attracted to oh but he never initiates physical relationship with me for years unless i initiate and I don't ask anymore as feel stupid asking now. And had mentioned lots of times before about it and he said we will do something but it never happened unless i ask so feel undesirable.
He tells me he loves me affectionate but no sex for long time.
My self esteem is very low now because of this.
Can't bring up anymore but I feel pretty shit about myself and appearance now as I know deep down he has lost attraction to me but loves me as a person.

My advice would be to make changes to raise your self esteem/confidence. If you don’t feel good about yourself, it may be having an affect on how he’s sees you, too. I guess it’s a bit of a vicious circle, but you could makes steps to try to change this 💐

If you know deep down he isn't attracted to you but still loves you then what are your options?

1. Divorce 2. Sexless marriage forever (which will probably lead to no 1 anyway) 3. Have an affair (which will lead to no 1). 4. Speak honestly and tell him you aren't happy but don't want to divorce - is he willing to open up the marriage? If not, is he willing to put some more effort in to creating more sexual intimacy in the relationship. If he says no you are back to point 1. In the mean time I think you should raid your savings and invest in yourself. Get a stylist if you aren't good at dressing yourself and get new clothes. New hair. New makeup, hit the gym and if you can afford it even a few therapy sessions to talk about self esteem. No healthy person wants to fuck someone with low self esteem it's not sexy! You are middle aged... that means you have half a life left, don't waste it being unhappy.

Tell him something needs to give - either split or work on it together, get couples counselling, it could be a number of reasons - doesn't find you attractive, not enough excitement (date nights), see was boring, he may have reduced sex drive or ED issues... and probably loads more

Does he have no sex drive, or is he watching porn, OP? It is important to establish the facts, rather than guessing.

You need to talk to him, because it may not be anything to do with how you look.

^^ 100% this, if you feel low about yourself he will definitely pick that up and probably not want to initiate anything just in case it upset you, so he waits for you to make the 1st move