CMS DNA Test

[Stressyfab]

I posted a few days ago that I’d finally applied for CMS. Lo and behold today he has requested we do a DNA test.
This is fine, I signed the form first thing. I don’t know why I’m surprised, he’s a nasty piece of work. But he’s well aware he IS the Dad. There is no reason at all to think otherwise.
I can’t wrap my head around it when ultimately he’s throwing money away on a test to prove something he already knows!
This was first thing this morning and I’m yet to hear anything else. I’ve ordered passport photos to take with us.
Does anyone else have experience with this? What comes next? It’s so stressful.

No specific experience with DNA, but I have a similarly difficult ex.

He's trying to throw everything available under your wheels and see if any of it slows you down or deters you. Don't react, just do what you need to do for your DC. Sorry you have to deal with such an arse.

He doesn't care about the results, he's just throwing it at you in the hope that it'll put you off pursuing the claim.

It's a last ditch roadblock, just crack on and take it as a sign he's rattled.

I think it’s a form of attention seeking, especially if he’s the type to go round telling everyone you’re a psycho bitch and he doesn’t even know if the kids his. He wants to be able to tell people he’s ‘had’ to ask for a dna, even when he knows perfectly well the child’s his

If you cam afford to, I'd be inclined to tell him he wasn't the dad and move faaaaar away. Abusive men don't belong near children.

But if you need the child maintenance, then just forge ahead with it. He's trying to insult you. To knock you off balance. Make sure he pays for the test and doesn't saddle you with the bill.

@Pinkbonbon I’d love to do that - we’ve made do without for a year but things are so tight it would have been irresponsible not to claim for DS.
It’s through CMS so I believe he has to pay. 🤞🏻

Hopefully!

Just be aware that he may try other tactics like going for more custody to reduce the amount he owes you.

But keep on him like a bulldog. Don't show any compromise as he'll take that as weakness.

@Pinkbonbon Absolutely, that’s the main reason I put it off so long! He’s never met him nor bothered to check that he even made it earthside okay. I had hoped if he decides to try get access, that a judge would clearly see he’s been absent. But now I’m worried he’ll try and say he didn’t know he was his.

Delay tactic
Surprised my exh didn't try this one tbh
He tried everything else
They rejected all his claims apart from him saying he has another child to support which is bullshit .

Are these at home tests or do you go to a facility and prove who is taking the test with id? Just wondering if it was possible for him to use someone else's dna?

@Sprinkles211 from what I can tell we go to the drs with passport photos. But this is from googling, I haven’t heard officially yet

@Stressyfab If he's anything like mine he won't go ahead with the dna test because he doesn't want to pay he just wants to delay you getting maintenance.

Took maybe 9 months in total to my first payment as denied parentage then just ignored the assessment so it went to attachment of earnings

@BaronessEllarawrosaurus do you remember the amount of contact CMS had with you in the lead up to him quitting? I haven’t heard anything which is making me feel worse.
And I’m sorry you have to deal with someone so useless 💐

Assuming the DNA test confirms he is the Father he has a right to be a part of the child's life even though it's likely to be on a limited basis.

You seem to be suggesting he should pay for the child but then not be allowed to have any role in the child's life.

Very little, just a phone call to say he was denying parentage and I'd hear more. I never heard any more.

@DWK123 He is already aware he is the father, we were together - he left me at 5 months into the pregnancy. HIS choice. And never bothered even checking he was born into this world safely. Yes, he should still provide. I didn’t magically get pregnant on my own funnily enough. I’m not the person who did anything wrong here - do better.

You didn't answer my question fully.

You answered the part where you talk about him paying for the child but not the other bit.

You didn’t ask any questions. Yes after a year and a half of him opting out I’m now wary, HTH

I don't think you need to worry too much about him wanting access. He's using delaying tactics as it is, just to save a bit of money. The cost of the DNA test probably is less than the money he saves by it causing the delay, so he has nothing to lose, even though he knows the answer already. Does that sound like a man who would pay to take you to court for access - we are talking £1000's for that, highly unlikely?
He should be made to pay for his lack of care and responsibility, you owe it to your DC to do your best to ensure they are provided for. Also, if it means there is more of a trail in the future as to where he is, it might make it easier for his child to find things out about their father in the future, when they are old enough to decide if this is what they want to do. It's understandable and maybe helps with identity and self-esteem to know where half their DNA came from, for better or worse, rather than having a black hole mystery in their life around it. Even knowing of him is better than nothing, and reflects better on you that the child knows you did all you could for their welfare.

Of course OP should be reluctant for him to have access, he's hardly proven himself to be father of the year, but she's entitled for him to pay what he is required to. Access, if merited, can be considered down the line when he has proven himself. They are two issues.

Good on you OP for setting your boundaries.

OP's fully entitled to her boundaries - I'd encourage her to keep this man at arms length from her child, and to ensure he fully meets his responsibility of paying for his child.

However, he's also entitled to seek, at his expense, confirmation before he enters into an almost two decades long commitment.

I don't doubt OP's story for one second, the baby is clearly his, but he's entitled to doubt, and to verify at his own expense.

Paying doesn't entitle access. You make a child, you pay for it. Just because he finally starts paying for a child he should always have been paying for, doesn't mean he can just swan back into their life after leaving before they were even born.

Ops child is a person, he's not pay-per-use.

If this man ever wanted access again he'd have to show, consistently, over time that he could step up and behave like a father. Opening his wallet is not proof of that.

I had this with my Ex, sent on my daughters 18th Birthday a DNA request for HER BROTHER!! We had been married for 19 years so it was just a delaying tactic for the CSA. I was more upset how I would tell my son that his dad didn't think he was his but he took it all in his stride. Really simple procedure that we were able to do at our own GP's. we both had to have a test. We had the test around the 6th of the month and the results came about the 19th. CSA were all happy and proceeded with the claim.

It's hard to say without a bit more probing but I suspect there's more to this.

He actually left the OP not the child. The child hadn't been born at that point.

And yet he's made no effort to get in touch with the child in the months since?

I believe a child should have good parents and access to both where it is beneficial. Based on what the OP says here, there is little to show the father has any interest in that.

Make sure he doesn't try to cheat the DNA test, he may come armed with someone else's DNA and try to do a switch. If it comes back unexpectedly negative try your DCs DNA on Ancestry and see if you get links to his family.

He sounds a bit confident that he can prove he's not the father which is suspicious to me.