Harassment after dating meet ?

[UpDownAllAround1]

Hello, first post for me. I'll try and keep this short.

I've recently been on a couple of dates with someone I met on a OLD site. All going fine. Messaging moved onto WhatsApp. However my mental health is quite fragile and I wasn't able to meet a couple of weekends ago. Since then the person has been multi messaging - sometimes 10 messages at a time - trying to get me to chat. I've messaged to say I'm feeling overwhelmed and not in a good place with my mental health and didn't want to waste anyone's time and wished them well. The WhatsApp messages kept on coming becoming more aggressive and also with calls - upto 10 calls one day. I have now blocked them on WhatsApp.

Ive now started getting calls from their employers number so I know they are trying to contact me this way. I am feeling vulnerable with my health and just don't want to be hassled or this to escalate to stalking.

Has anyone any tips or lived experience of this situation, perhaps after dating someone, and what did they do ?

Reply stating that you want them to stop contacting you. Their calls/messages are causing you stress and anxiety and are unsolicited. You're not interested in speaking or meeting snd if they don't stop immediately you'll report them to the police for harassment.

Oh OP this sounds obsessive and stressful. I’ve been on the receiving end of stalking from somebody I wasn’t even involved with on any romantic level. The Police encouraged to block on all aspects, and change your number. This will nip it in the bud, annoying but it does help. Equally, take screen shots of all messages and calls from him incase it escalates.

Guess there's 2 options:

First you could report them - either to Police or their employer. But this isn't going to be stress free for you. They would then probably say they were just worried about you, wanted to check you were okay, but they'd be stupid not to stop.

Or you could just block their employer's phone no. as well. Set up Truecaller on your phone if you haven't done already. Make sure they're blocked on the OLD site, and other social media. They'll give up when they've found someone else to focus their control issues onto.

Might be a good idea to get off the OLD site too just for now. Sounds like you're not ready for it. Pick it up again when you're stronger.

Report them to the dating app you matched on firstly.

Send one final message saying that they are harassing you and any further conduct you’ll have no option but to report them to the police. And keep everything they’ve sent and all call logs as evidence

You send one message saying that you don't want to see them again and that any further contact will be treated as harassment and passed on to the appropriate channels. (Are they even allowed to abuse the work phone?). Then block everything.

Exactly this, and then follow it through and involve the police as soon as it becomes apparent he isn't going to stop. Don't wait, don't doubt yourself or try to convince yourself 'it's not that bad', don't risk hoping he will just give up and go away. He might of course (🤞) but he also might escalate so early police involvement can't hurt.

Get some advice/support from Paladin and/or the Suzy Lamplugh Trust, both charities set up to help victims of stalking. Trust your own instincts when it comes to how much of a danger you feel he is and be prepared to strongly advocate for yourself with the police if they don't take it seriously enough, hopefully they will though. It might not come to any of that so try not to panic but being prepared for how this might develop is the best way to stay safe.

I had this once and I had to block the guy repeatedly. He would pop back now and then on a new number and I'd need to block him again. After about a year he finally gave up. In the end it stopped bothering me, I just blocked again. I only met the guy once!!! He didn't know where I lived and only had my mobile number so it was just a case of blocking. Hopefully this guy won't know where you live so block block block.

Thank you all for your helpful replies. I'm going to see what if anything happens over the next 24 hours to see if I need to send a further and final stronger message.

Don't do that, just block!

The advice now is not to block as it can give you an idea if the behaviour is escalating. Screenshot everything. If he continues after you have told him to stop report to the police.

”Victims might be tempted to block the perpetrators or change their phone number but it’s important that they know that isn’t a good idea.
"If a stalker doesn’t think that they can contact you anymore through messaging they might decide to approach you in person and it’s better to mute or ignore their messages so you can record them and watch for any escalations in their behaviour."”

Where is this quote from?

Just a side note op, don't date until your mental health is good.

There are creeps like this everywhere who will think you are extra vulnerable if you present as unwell. Never tell people you aren't well when trying to extradite yourself from them either. That's chum in the water for sharks like him.

I would block in your case.
The cases not to block would be when you've perhaps had something more substantial with them to begin with and they know where you live.

As it was just a few dates asked he's gone nuts, you'll probably find he is doing the same to several women and will move on if he cannot get through to you.

If this isn't the case you can still report him to the police. But shut down all channels of communication for now.

Ps: also report the harassment to the dating site.

Date #1 was about a 10 mins walk from my house and the other person knows this although not my address🤞😬

Most police force websites will have it.

A victim of stalking or harassment can use messages/calls to help understand the risk to them at the time.

It's also just good common sense.

If you block someone, they can become enraged and seek out other methods of contact. Plus you have no idea what they're thinking and whether or not they're escalating. And there is no evidence.

Don't block. Send the message and then repot to the police if it continues.

OP, in my personal experience, the police were excellent in dealing with a situation in which I was receiving multiple messages a day from an ex. They weren't even threatening. Just intense.

They have now messaged on Messenger via Facebook. Not opened message

Have you told him to stop messaging? If so report to the police. If not do so and then report If it continues.

OP you need to send one message saying "please don't contact me any more, I do not want any further contact with you" in order to then be able to progress this with the police if he then continues. Please do this, don't be put off by it feeling awkward. He's not slowing down and he's also using multiple platforms now despite you (I assume) not responding. Don't panic but do take this seriously. Send one 'no contact' message then you can involve the police if he doesn't stop.

Honestly OP you need to tell him to stop otherwise you’ll report him to the police for harassment.
They do take action. My friend as harassed by a guy she briefly dated, reported him and he was interviewed under caution and isn’t allowed to contact her or enter a set area around her home town.

To be fair I think this might be beyond the 'one message reply and block' now.

This guy is clearly someone stalkery.
Tens upon tens of messages, already clearly told 'no'. And now contacting you on another platform.

I think I'd be going straight to the police today.
Don't dawdle. He sounds totally unhinged.
I suspect if you give them a name and they check their system, they'll have record of similar behaviour from him that escalated.

You already told him you didn't want to see him again and he's harassing you still. Go to the police before thus escalates.

I agree with @Pinkbonbon speak to the police today, give them the details of all communications. He won't stop, what a dick! So scary for you.