I have been dating a guy for 6 months. I went on a few dates last year and kept in contact via texting for a little while then met in November and since dated alot.
We seemed to get along very quickly. We went on some nice dates, I went to his and we cooked together. After about 4 months, he came to mine and met my dd's (19 and 17). He has 2 sons the same age. The more you spend time with someone, the more you get to know someone and their lifestyle etc. To see if your values and hopes for the future match. They appeared to. I noticed if we weren't meeting, he would go to the pub. Or his son and sons friends would go to his house and he would drink with them until early hours. I explained that I wasn't a big drinker and enjoyed going out occasionally but much prefer food out, a few drinks. Cooking at home and watching a movie. Walks and days out. I explained my dd's were older and more independent and would like to take weekend trips. He said this is what he wanted too. In the week, I'd drive to him a couple of times. That became a habit and time for just the 2 of us. Weekends he was always quite heightened and he would make plans and I'd just fit into them. I explained it would be nice to make a plan and then on the alternative day, he could do whatever he wanted (this was mainly out drinking with his son or son and friends over). I tried to adapt to his lifestyle as I know for the past 2 years this is what he has done. It made me feel a bit unsettled as I never knew if he would forget or randomly change the plan. His choices did scream man child but I thought maybe he did this as he didn't have anything else.
I stopped going to his on a weekend as his both sons would have their friends around drinking (the one son, not always but if he wanted that. His dad would let him. The older son, it was every weekend. If not friends, his gf. They would just lay on the sofa all day). Its only a one bed house. At the beginning, I think he would ask his son for some privacy for me to visit. He came to me. We cooked a couple of times. It always felt he was itching to go out. Hed stay a littlewhile but leave. Or hed say right im leaving you to get on im meeting a friend at the pub. Hed make it look like he didn'twant to impose. I said on a few occasions, maybe I'm a bit to boring for you. I started to feel embarrassed saying I wanted to potter in the garden, cook or watch a film. However he was adamant this is what he wanted. I started to notice he would spend and spend at weekends on beers and food out (for him, his one son and the gf). I thought this is none of my business but then started to think that if he has no money, when do we do anything. We kept talking about a weekend away. (after weeks of him saying it). We decided to go. He paid for the hotel and I drove, paid for the meal out, took alcohol and food, so it was fair.
The weekends are still unsettling but he tried to make a plan and we would stick to it for a few weekends. I kept telling myself he is adapting to my lifestyle too. I also think it's important he has time with his sons as I like time with my dd's.
A few weekends ago, we went to watch a band and he phoned his son to join us. He got drunk and called me his wife's name. Obviously I was shocked and a little embarrassed in front of his son, but it was the end of the night so I left and he disappeared the whole of the next day, switching his phone off. I had no clue what was happening. The following day, he apologised and said he shut himself off as he thought he had upset me and couldn't face it. We had a big conversation on the importance of communication and he promised to never do this again. Bank Holiday weekend I did the race for life. He was supposed to come but his son asked him to go watch his final rugby match. I said I'd see him later. I picked him up as he'd been drinking. We went for a drink and he wanted to go back to the rugby. I agreed as he said there were bands. There wasn't. It was full of young people, drunk. I said let's go to a nice beer garden. He agreed. He was a bit drunk so I told him I'd go (9pm). The next day we had arranged to watch a band in the evening. We both drove. I could tell he had a few drinks and he was driving home. This didn't sit well but he said he was ok to drive. I left with my dd to get food at 7pm. He stayed out with his son. He then messaged the next day saying he'd spent too much money and we would be chilling for the next few weekends. Roll on the 1st weekend. He planned to work over time but said he would see me Saturday evening and Sunday until work at 5pm. He said he had to pick his mum up from a pub and drop his son to a match sunday. Saturday evening he came to mine and I went to get food. He stayed an hour and said he had to pick his mum up from a pub. This was 6.30pm. I said ok, see you tomorrow. The next morning he messaged and said he was picking his umbrella up from my car, if I go out leave it out. I was a bit taken back as I didn't realise he was staying at the match. I thought to myself. Ok plans have changed again. I will do something myself. He said I was welcome to go, this was an hour before leaving. If I'd known this was the plan, I could have arranged this. Anyway, I told him ok and have a nice day. He said he'd be home at 5. I got myself dressed and took the dog out. He messaged and said what is wrong with you. I questioned this. He said, you told me to have a good day and no mention of seeing him later. In my head, I was thinking. I didn't feel he wanted to spend the time with he hence leaving Saturday and planning his day Sunday so felt uneasy even asking. I just answered saying nothing is wrong, I told you to have a nice day. He didn't message for the rest of the day. Then yesterday still nothing. I had an mri appointment yesterday that I was nervous about attending. No messages. I honestly have no clue what I have done.
He constantly tells me he is lucky to have met me and he wants this life. Obviously I have feelings for him.
Just to explain his last 2 years. He met an older lady. She had her nephew living with her who was a drug dealer. Weekends were spent at hers drinking and the son and his gf would also go there. She would give him money and paid for a holiday abroad last year. He kept telling me this lady was just his friend. The more conversations we have, they were definitely more but he said he could never see a future with her.
I haven't messaged him since Sunday. Is that it then? Is that how people end relationships these days? He has just disappeared.