Husband of 22 yrs is a coke user

[Curiousto]

Not mine.

A friend of a friend regularly uses coke. Not just on nights out, but to buzz days/nights in too. Initial impression was once every few months, but it now looks to me like it's at least once a week. He did a couple of lines before we went to the pub for a Saturday afternoon pint.

He does Mdma too on the big nights out.

He says his wife doesn't take anything nor does she suspect. He operates a don't ask, don't tell policy with her. He can easily afford it on his salary.

Having been married for over 20 years myself, I told him his wife is very likely to suspect he's withholding something from her, but probably doesn't want to know the truth, as it'll be too hard to deal with.

WWYD if you discovered your partner of 10+ yrs, that you had 2 children with, was a regular drug taker? Would you even ask the question in the wife's position?

His wife is bound to know.
Drug use is very hard to hide.

The mood swings.

I’d definitely not want to be married to a drug user

Wormer is used a lot to cut coke.

It has the same pearlescent look.

If he’s having to take lines to get a buzz in the day, or before meeting friends for a pint in the afternoon he’s not a regular user, he’s an addict.

He might well be able to “afford” it, but every penny he spends on that shit is money taken away from the family pot.

He will keep using more and more to chase the buzz, he’s already quite far down a very slippery slope. Does he drive his children around often just out of interest?

I would tell her, because I would want to know if were in her shoes. And I would leave.

She knows. It’s impossible to hide.

I would never ever tolerate a drug using spouse. My husband doesn't even drink (I do but not much anymore). I have a couple of friends whose husbands have been/are addicts and it has badly affected their relationships from what I can see.

Taking drugs before going to the pub seems a sad and desperate state of affairs. It would be odd if his wife hasn't noticed his mood changes or the expenditure wouldn't it?

It really is- Coke users are insufferable.

Always chasing the buzz with diminishing returns, one line is never enough.

It’s impossible that his wife doesn’t know.

I agree with you. He's adamant she doesn't and has no reason to suspect.

If she does know, then why not raise it with him? By not discussing it, she's tolerating being married to a drug user.

Why are you blaming her? He may well take it when she's not in the house and then go out and not come back for several hours. She might not be aware.

I'd not ask, I'd tell him to leave

I'm not blaming her.

I couldn't not talk about it with my husband. He loves clubbing and EDM. I'd be too curious about the drug lifestyle that goes along with that scene to not talk about it

I don't understand her lack of curiosity.

Or maybe the friend is lying, and she has asked, and he's lied to her face.

An acquaintance, not someone I know, confided with me that the reason her marriage broke down after 20 years was her husband’s drug use of which she knew nothing about. They had a lovely home teenage daughter and what she thought was a great life.
She knew that there was “something “ but never in a million years it was drugs.
He has been in rehab on and off for months, house sold, she struggles with anorexia, so that became a crisis in itself, in the middle of all this a teenager struggling with coming to terms with rented accommodation, no money or security and subsequently problems at school.
Very selfish man when looking at it from the perspective of the family.