Upset about how things currently are with my sister...

[thea124]

DSis is 2 years older than me. I have 2DC, she has 1.
Since I've had my second DC I have felt her slowly disengage from me and I feel hurt that she's showing very little interest in DC2's life.

Her DC is in between my kids ages and she is not certain on being able to have a second given she has a medical issue, but it's not impossible.

I think, being totally frank, she became envious when I fell pregnant with my second, she was okay for a bit when DC2 was a newborn, but now she has barely seen them, and I miss seeing my DN.
I think she is dealing with her feelings by staying away from me and limiting contact. I have tried to put myself in her shoes and try and understand how she feels but all I think is surely our kids seeing each other as cousins comes above anything else?

I think you are making an awful lot of assumptions. To ask the obvious - have you spoken to her?

Give her time. How old are the DC? It sounds as if she’s in a lot of pain and needs the space to process that.

Do you message her, keep in contact without mentioning the DC? Go out together without the DC? To keep your relationship going I’d try to do this and as far as possible keep off the topic unless she leads it that way.

Yes, it would be lovely for the cousins to meet and play and almost certainly in the future they will. Not at the expense of her emotional health though.

The kids are all preschool age.
I know it sounds bad but i know my sister very well and I know she's not happy with her own situation and she's avoiding me because of it.
When I do see her I feel she doesn't make any effort with my youngest, despite me always naturally being there for hers.
I know she's in a bad place but I feel resentful she seems to be unable to rise above it.
At Christmas she avoided seeing us and every attempt I made at getting together there was a last minute excuse.
I guess I'm a bit hurt really, I feel like she dislikes me right now, so I am trying to avoid asking her to do things because I'll just get shut down, but at the same time she probably feels I'm not trying to meet up maybe? It's difficult but I'm hoping as PP has said it won't always be like this...

Oops

Sorry that was a mistake! Wrong thread.

If she has a medical issue and is worried about potentially not being able to have a second then I can see why she would find it difficult to be around you.

You also don't sound like you are being sensitive about it if you are saying she should be able to get over it because you want the kids to be friends.

Maybe think about having some sympathy for her?

surely our kids seeing each other as cousins comes above anything else

No, I don’t think that’s true. When I was growing up, my cousins lived a long way away so we rarely saw them - maybe once or twice a year - and I don’t think I ever felt particularly deprived about that.

Sure, it’d be nice, but I don’t think it comes above everything.

I think it would be productive to have a respectful conversation about the issue.

Then you can manage each others expectations and decide the way forward.

It sounds as if you have a very specific view on what sister relationships are, how much you should be involved with each others children and how much cousins should be doing together.

Your sister, for whatever reason, has a different view to you.

Her view is not in any way lesser to yours and still falls well within normal.

You remind me of my friend OP, so wrapped up in your feelings and your world and the wrong shes doing to you and how she cant 'rise above it'

Rise above the fact her potential infertility means she cant have another child that she longs for?
The fact shes witnessing you do exactly what she wants to do, and by the looks of your post you seem to lack any geniune compassion or empathy about it.

I'd avoid you too to be honest - put yourself in her shoes, imagine that aching, longing feeling and then witnessing it happen to your nearest and dearest, watching your family dynamic play out with 2 children.

Shes keepign her distancing to protect her mental health - leave her be.