Boyfriend of 8 months accepting Instagram follow request from a woman he previously matched with on a dating site. Is this acceptable behaviour?

[MorningRise2000]

I know my boyfriend has exes and previous hookups as friends on his Instagram. He has a private account that I don't monitor. This does not bother me as everyone has a past, including me! I have never tried to control who he follows or been jealous in the past.

After spending a long lovely weekend together though, I noticed he had just accepted a follow request from a woman he had previously matched with on a dating site just before we met, that I also happened to know from my past. I hadn't been snooping, she just came up as a suggested account on my Instagram which is how I found out.

When I asked my boyfriend about this, he said it was an old follow request sent by him and that he hadn't accepted anything recently. Plus, he had already been following her since they matched on the dating site just before we met. After a few days though he did admit that he had recently accepted the follow request but it was done without any thought or consideration.

He also showed me WhatsApp message between them, sent after I had confronted him, where my boyfriend asked her why she had sent the follow request now. She replied that the follow request wasn't sent intentionally, that she didn't really use Instagram and that her young son had just been teaching hee how to follow people. This is a woman who is following 260 people, has 140 followers and 60 posts! I question the authenticity of the reply and explanation, and wonder if it the whole conversation was a set up between them, knowing the messages would be shown to me. But maybe it's me over thinking!

I know he is keen on me and wouldn't cheat on me now, but I'm questioning if this behaviour is a red flag for the longer term?

I actually would see this as a red flag, more so the lying. I also think the WhatsApp message is ridiculous. Her son in playing, managed to find and add her ex match? Hmm.

But then if they did set up that bit of conversation, it implies more familiarity again, enough to have asked that favour to message and hide any relationship.

No, he wouldn’t be for me. Also, I would not expect my partner to follow any of his exes or hook-ups, past life or not. But hey-ho, that’s just my expectations from a relationship and I get that others may be more relaxed about this.

What would he say if the shoe was on the other foot?

My boundaries would say its a red flag and very telling what he feels about your relationship.

Seeing you are posting about this on MN also tells me that within the 8 months you have been together he may have done something similar but made you question yourslef perhaps? so now you wonder if this too is ok because he says its nothing? am I right?

I agree, it is the lying that has made this much more of an issue than it otherwise would have been. Although, my boyfriend still maintains that he wasn't lying and was basing the facts on what he could remember on how the invite was accepted.

Why does he feel the need to keep old hook ups or matches on his instagram account full stop?

He is meant to be in a relationship with you , not keeping his options open. It’s disrespectful, and doesn’t bode well for how he feels for you long term.

The lying is because he knew it was wrong, and he is trying to get away with it. You should be no one’s stop gap relationship!

To be fair, he has been the one pushing to move to the next stage of our relationship much more than me. I have been taking it slowy and letting our relationship develop over time. This is more about me trying to decide if I should move to then next stage rather than viewing it as an immediate threat that he will cheat.

He has a private account that I don't monitor

Regardless of anything else, this is a strange comment, do you monitor his other social media, phone etc?

@MorningRise2000 my son thought it would be hilarious to do this to me with Snapchat so I could be a " cool Snapchat mum" not only did I have hundreds of teenagers appear on my account but friends, colleagues and the window cleaner 🙈

No. I make it a policy never to connect with partners' social media accounts, snoop on their phones or anything like that. No god can ever come of it, I like to be able to sleep at night! If someone's going to cheat, they are going to cheat.

That might sound strange to some but I have never had any issues in the past with suspecting that partners were being unfaithful.

if you trust him it shouldn’t be an issue

🔥 woooo, just end it op. That amount of infighting just 8months in is a red flag.

I thought the as well

Do you have trust issues?

I mean l wouldn't see it as a red flag... you've said you aren't at the stage he's at. Maybe you aren't suited.