I have been with my partner for 10 years, and we have a good relationship, or I thought we did. Although we don't live together (by mutual consent), We do lots together, holidays, weekends away, frequent meals out, and he treats me very well.
Before we met, he had an affair with a married woman, he knew her from school and they met again at a funeral.
The affair started from there. Meeting in hotels for sex every time he was home, as he works away. He said at the time it suited him, as he had just come out of a 20-year relationship and wasn't looking for a serious relationship. It all sounded very sleazy, he said he felt guilty and awful for her husband. He said she was starting to get emotionally attached, taking risks, and he made it clear he didn't want that.
We met, and he ended the affair. Apparently, she was happy he had met someone.
A few years into our relationship, I discovered he'd still been communicating with her, I told him I wasn't comfortable with this, as according to him, I told him i couldn't be in a relationship with him if it continued as their relationship was built purely on sex, he apologised and said he'd end this communication. I thought that was the end of it.
Fast forward to Saturday night, we have been away, and he got really pissed we had a bit of a row, and he left his phone in the hotel room while he stumbled out to clear his head, it had been in the hotel safe for most of the holiday. The phone suddenly bleeped, and I noticed a whatasapp message from 'Peter Jones', but the whatsapp picture was of his ex fling.
It just said 'Hi you OK? X'
I then opened the phone and found they had been also calling each other sometimes on consecutive days. The messages also had some sort of encryption on them. It looks like they had all been hidden or deleted.
I immediately confronted him when he returned. At first, he tried to deny it, but when I told him to open his phone and show me, he admitted they 'occasionally' messaged and spoke to see how each other were doing.
He said they spoke about their kids and jobs, and he said he has told her to leave her unhappy marriage and find happiness. He has denied ever meeting up with her or wanting to.
He says he loves me and would never cheat on me. He said he is very happy in our relationship. It is just two old friends chatting.
I just feel absolutely devastated, I'm not sure I can continue in this relationship. We returned home last night, and I haven't slept a wink, torturing myself with all kinds of scenarios.
I can't tell anyone IRL, but I'm desperate to get some perspective from someone.