Was this sexual abuse? Does this mean my stepfather was a paedophile?

[MoSalahsBeard]

My stepdad did the following:

• repeatedly pulled open my dress
• modelled some new pants he got for me and asked me to model my knickers for him
• stipped down to his pants and asked me to sit astride him and massage him many times
• constantly walked around me naked
• commented on my breasts and butt

He also exhibited hostile behaviour about my teenage relationships:

• my 14 year old boyfriend wanted to have sex with me. I wasn’t sure so went to my mum about it. Her response was I don’t think your stepdad would mind! Stepdad then came home and woke me by punching my bed repeatedly, called me a dirty disgusting cow and that I was never to see my boyfriend again
• he shouted at me and called me disgusting because I asked my 19 year old boyfriend (I was 17) to pick me up some mental pads
• he would criticise my boyfriends
• He shouted at me for hugging my boyfriend hello at the front door

Surely the trigger warning is pretty clear from he title?

Your step father sexually abused you Op, and your mother failed to protect you. I am pleased that you are having therapy and wish you all the best.

Again, I know exactly how you feel. For me, personally, an element was that I felt gaslit into thinking it was normal by my mother. She didn’t know about the worst things that happened but she minimised and excused the slightly less awful things SD did. Another aspect of it, I suppose, was that I felt being sexually abused felt so massive, such a hideous, awful thing to happen to me, and I just had a hard time reconciling that someone could do that to me, particularly someone who, to a degree, I accepted and trusted (for want of a better word!!) in my life.

I'm so sorry you went through this, OP. And I'm glad you're having some therapy to work through it. It was sexual abuse, and other kinds of abuse as well.

It is the gaslight. The family narrative. The person in control of that narrative has psychological problems too. Usually narcissistic tendencies. My family have their own deluded gaslight about my brother being the only problem in the family. He wasn’t. My parents behaviour when they were bringing us up and after they found out about the abuse was abusive too but my siblings can’t and won’t see it because of their own delusion.

She's put all the triggering info in the title - why on earth do you need a trigger warning just don't click on it!!

Have you reported him- do you have the strength to report him? Hope you have caring people around, to support you 😔

The title is, in itself, a trigger warning.

Sorry to hear this OP, I'm sure there are people here more knowledgeable than me on this - is it possible to report it if you feel it's something you can handle ?

I’ve considered reporting it but it’s just my word against his. I have no proof other than my horrible memories.

That was definitely sexual abuse of you at 14-17

However,

• A pedophile is an adult attracted to a pre-pubescent child (under 11)
• A hebephile is an adult attracted to a pubescent child (11-14) and;
• An ephebophile is an adult attracted to a post-pubescent child (15-17)

The age ranges are guidelines because the onset of puberty varies. Some adults can be one, two or all of the above. All are illegal and criminal.

Golly I didn’t know those terms

did your therapist not encourage you to go to the police? Maybe if you ring the police to see where you stand, also if there is a specialist counselling section for sexual abuse

I hope you find the peace & closure you deserve

Thank you for sharing your incredibly insightful posts.