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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I met someone, but it's just not the right time 😔

6 replies

Halohalo12 · 13/05/2024 10:39

My teenager (14) has autism and adhd. Things where rough for sometime with her making high risk choices and putting herself in danger. I had to track her down so many times through fields and lakes. We had school refusal too. It was just the hardest couple of years we've had to have. We are just awaiting medication for the adhd. Things settled down and she was doing well back in school, home was more settled. She is getting alot of support privately and in school. Me and her father are very supportive. I was so proud of her.

I unexpectedly met someone after 5, nearly 6 years of being on my own after me and their father seperated amicably. I am only 31. He is a great guy. So I decided as things had settled down, I could give this a try. (My daughters do not know that I met someone) But my daughter has gone abit down hill again and I've had to start running through fields tracking her down as she doesn't understand she can't jump in lakes. She can't swim. She's had so many lessons but just never was interested. Her last lot of lessons ended in December when she decided she doesn't want to do it and has refused ever since. Honestly it's just extreme stress and I do feel like I'm in fight or flight mode alot of the time. She just doesn't have a sense of danger. I work full time alongside this in a demanding job too.

This man knows nothing about any of this. But it's just not the right time for me to meet someone is it? I feel guilty about taking some time away from my child. I don't know when the right time will be for me! I cannot maintain a relationship with this stress in the background and I know that. It's just not fair on the other person. But I am very gutted. It would be nice for me to meet someone and this guy is a really good match for me and we get along very well. The best thing to do is to end it and stop seeing him. My friends tell me I am entitled to be a little happy myself and have my own life but I just feel crap about the whole situation.

I am doing the right thing aren't I? I just feel abit gutted about it today and I just feel there will never be a good time. I just wanted a little bit of happiness for myself after being on my own for so long but I know it is wrong to invite another person into our lives with the current stress. But, I'm not sure there will ever be a right time and I feel sad about that. To add, my children will always be my priority and my daughter is getting the best support. I'm just getting my feelings out of my mind.

Guess I'm just looking for any kind words. I'm having an off day.

OP posts:
LuckyLinda3 · 13/05/2024 10:51

Aw that sounds so difficult, sending hugs. Have you been seeing him for long

OmuraWhale · 13/05/2024 10:55

I think you may be able to give this a chance. But you need to be honest early on about your DD, so that this man has the chance to step back if he feels that it's too stressful for him.

romdowa · 13/05/2024 10:55

Could you not explain the situation to him ? You do deserve some happiness and to come first sometimes.

DaisyChain505 · 13/05/2024 10:58

Of course you deserve happiness and a relationship if that’s what you desire.

you need to be open and honest about the situation though and the right person will bring positives and be someone to lean on.

pinkdelight · 13/05/2024 11:00

Can you not see him while DD is with her father? Is her father doing his fair share of care? Sounds like he must be if it's so amicable, so you should have some time for your own life too. Sounds like it's be full-on for all your adult life so far.

Pipsquiggle · 13/05/2024 11:11

You need to tell the new guy about your situation - the right sort of person will be kind & support you.

You are doing the best you can for your DC. Keep going. Of course you deserve happiness

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