Ex told me I’m like my other ex

[BePearlQuoter]

Post for friend -

Me and my now ex partner of nearly 4yrs had an argument the other day over a lot of things I can’t even remember , and then told me that I am similar to my abusive ex before him . He has said this because 4months into our relationship when it had started I had spat at him in his face and also slapped and grabbed him (I know it sounds bad) not excusing my behaviour but I had done this because I told him several times I want to go out the door to cool off after an argument but he wouldn’t let me out the door and would always try to keep me indoors or In a room when I wanted to go out to get some air .
This has made me really upset though as my ex before him was very violently abusive towards me and I had just started going out with my recent ex partner very quickly after him .
I just can’t stop thinking in my head now am I really similar to him or was I similar to him , just keeps repeating in my head , I’ve had so much trauma from my first ex and I can’t get my head around it .
Now my cousin had told me this is some kind of emotional abuse , is it that ? Because I don’t know and I feel hurt

👍

Therapy for you, there's lots of things to unpack.

If he trapped you when you wanted to leave, then that was abusive too. It doesn't sound healthy on either side. No, you shouldn't be violent, but you shouldn't be kept somewhere against your will either.

Seems to me you may have gone from one abusive situation to another.

If you can afford therapy, it'd probably be helpful, with someone experienced in trauma and domestic abuse. There's also the Freedom Programme you could try.

I would avoid dating again until you've worked through what happened.

Depends what the intent was at the time but If you love someone you don’t hurt them intentionally