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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Red flag already? Please not!

14 replies

notamumyet2010 · 12/05/2024 23:33

Hi, really would be interested in anyone’s advice about this. Just started chatting to a guy online who seemed really nice. Actually put effect into his messages and it looked like we may actually make it to the meeting up stage. However he has just sent a message saying how he wants to meet the right person and spend weekends together, sounds lovely right? Apart from the fact he said naked weekends together. Now I’m no prude but we haven’t even met each other yet and he is saying this. I feel like every guy I speak to online says something inappropriate almost straight away.
Please be honest-is it me? I’d this how guys chat now? Am I’m being daft?
Thanks in advance for any thoughts!

OP posts:
BlastedPimples · 12/05/2024 23:38

It's not you. It's them.

Bin them.

Kat888 · 12/05/2024 23:39

He is already showing you what's he's after and it's casual sex,if that's what you also want go ahead but if not delete him.

When someone shows you who they are believe them.

Savemydrink · 12/05/2024 23:40

He’s just given me the ick and I’m not even talking to him.

it’s a no from me

MonsteraMama · 12/05/2024 23:40

At best it's a very misjudged and ham fisted attempt at sexy flirting.

At worst it's the usual - man wants easy no strings sex, seeks it online, pretends to be decent human being just long enough to obtain said sex.

I'd probably throw this one back.

Guavafish1 · 12/05/2024 23:40

better the devil you know.

OLD... don't waste time talk and rexting before you meet... meet in public... have low threshold to bin people... esp after that comment

TheCultureHusks · 12/05/2024 23:44

Say ‘That sounds fab. You go first. I’ll choose the weekend, I vote Coventry. Send me lots of pics of your naked weekend in Coventry and then you get to choose where I go the week after. How fun! You’re not like the other boring people I’ve met so far!’

ShrubRose · 12/05/2024 23:54

Thank him for letting you know so quickly what a loser he is so you don't have to waste any more time! 😂

SamW98 · 12/05/2024 23:55

Yep sounds like the standard OLD sleaze bucket who can’t even try to hide the fact he’s after quick easy sex and is probably typing with one hand.

Honestly - they’re so cringey.

Original poster
notamumyet2010 · 12/05/2024 23:55

Thanks everyone. Unfortunately I think your all right. Why do men do this? It’s soo hard to meet anyone decent and every time I think this one seems ok, they say or do something that just screams at me to run away. It honestly makes me wonder if it’s me as it’s happening time and time again. And the worst thing is they spend so much time telling me that they don’t want a one night stand then send me messages like that!
Last time I made a bit of an effect to tell the guy that most women don’t like the jokes her was saying, and yet he continued to send them to me. Are there any decent guys out there! I’m starting to wonder!

OP posts:
Deathbyfluffy · 13/05/2024 00:01

notamumyet2010 · 12/05/2024 23:55

Thanks everyone. Unfortunately I think your all right. Why do men do this? It’s soo hard to meet anyone decent and every time I think this one seems ok, they say or do something that just screams at me to run away. It honestly makes me wonder if it’s me as it’s happening time and time again. And the worst thing is they spend so much time telling me that they don’t want a one night stand then send me messages like that!
Last time I made a bit of an effect to tell the guy that most women don’t like the jokes her was saying, and yet he continued to send them to me. Are there any decent guys out there! I’m starting to wonder!

There are decent guys - but unfortunately online dating is very accessible so you’re going to find plenty of idiots too.

Worthy of note that there are some relatively ‘normal’ men out there, though - it might be better joining a local activity group or trying to meet someone through a friend etc.

I’m a man and my experience of women on dating sites was equally rubbish - I always had much better experiences in person.
I think my biggest ‘ick’ moment was a woman wanting a copy of my payslip to check I was worth her time 😅

Catlord · 13/05/2024 00:11

Naked weekends!! I feel a bit sick at him turn of phrase! He's trying to inject sex into the conversation before meeting (nah) and has done it in the clumsiest, unsexiest way. All I can picture is a League of Gentlemen style Nude Day (if anyone else remembers that!).

uncomfortablydumb53 · 13/05/2024 00:13

In the bin!

taleasoldashoney · 13/05/2024 00:14

I can't work out if he's after casual sex or he's a nudist

Either would probably put me too tbh

Original poster
notamumyet2010 · 13/05/2024 18:22

Thanks for taking the time to answer everyone. Little update in case you’re wondering. I sent a message back saying that comment makes him sound like he is just interested in sex and what a shame. I actually felt his answer would be quite telling so he messaged me back basically saying I’m totally wrong. That’s not what he meant at all, he meant to be comfy together. No sorry or anything like that. It’s a shame really as if he had actually said something along of the lines of oh gosh no I’m sorry I didn’t mean it like that, I may well have given him a shot as we all say things daft at times but his answer so was “no your wrong, I meant this” I’m just like thanks but no thanks. Never mind eh! Thanks again everyone x

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