Right or Wrong Decision?

[South2North18]

Hi All, just need a neutral opinion and would be most grateful for anyone's input.

We moved from London to be closer to my Husband's workplace. We moved to a town where a couple live who are already my Husband's friends. The friend is also my Husband's manager and recommended the job to my Husband in the first place. We were fine with this couple before we moved, helped them decorate their house, hosted a wedding event for them at our place, regularly visited one another, loaned them money for a house purchase which they have recently paid back etc... Ever since we moved we have noticed the friend and his wife, becoming increasingly petty and difficult with us for no apparent reason, talking behind our backs and generally stirring. My Husband has had a rather hard time continuing to be civil at work with his friend/manager.

We now have a newborn (in addition to a 6 year old), about to start renovation on our new house and Husband has a job offer with about 40% increase in salary. He is currently office based with about a 25 minute commute away from home but this new job is WFH with site visits anything between 1-2.5 hours as and when required. We are absolutely in two minds whether he should take up the new job. We moved initially to reduce the 1.5-2 hour daily commute my Husband did. We still have our home in London but have also purchased in this new town as we were hoping to settle here long term before this new situation came about.

The situation with the couple we are friends with has deteriorated from the chap's wife making snobby/unsavoury comments, claiming their is an affair between me and her husband, to asking for a gift back as they needed it. We made it clear they can have it back but we would like it back as we use it daily (music system) After about 3 other excuses they now claim they aren't returning it back because it was rude of us to request that they give it back to us once done. They had promised they would return it to us as soon as they were done initially. We see right through them but do not want a big confrontation. We feel as if they secretly resent the fact that we moved to their town/area, we have children and they do not, we have purchased a larger house in a less posh area as opposed to their normal house in a very posh area. Other than this resentment which they have not admitted to, we see no other reason for this sudden turn in behaviour.

Should my Husband be putting up with his friend/manager and his wife for a lower salary for a comfortable commute or take up this new WFH/site visit hybrid role with a significantly longer commute but without the added personal stress/complications? Just at a crossroads where we feel we cannot ask anyone else so thought I would ask on here. Thanks in advance for your input.

I would say the new job will lower the stress enough to be worth it, the long commute isn’t all the time, may only be once a week or so. Removing these people from your lives will give you increase in quality of life by lowering stress

Take the new job! They sound completely nuts. If he takes the job then presumably neither of you will have to have anything to do with them again?

Sounds like his present job is becoming intolerable - and he might find himself managed out anyway if he stays.

Probably more secure in the long run to take the new job.

Definitely take the new job. Sounds to me like his current job might not be all that secure if he's fallen out with the boss, might get managed out.

Wow, you guys are all brilliant. First time ive had to use this forum but have been a reader for a while.

You all have confirmed what we were thinking. Our only doubt as a family is how Husband would cope with new job/longer commute as well as the new born and the renovation. Removation is being done by builders but still lots of materials/tiles etc to source.

We will probably see this couple about once a week at the local community centre in reality. At the moment my Husband and manager sit right next to one another at work and it makes things unnessarily difficult. His wife is such that despite everything we have done for them, we cannot be certain that she wont make up stories in our local community. We are quite happy with our own family unit and cannot fathom what her/their problem is.

Would you maybe consider selling the newer house and buying one much closer to the new job? That way your other half really will get rid of the stress of the occasional commute plus the stress of mr and mrs arsehole

We still have our family home in london but we are not keen to relocate again just because our 6 year old is settled in his new school. We really like the new area as its right on the edge of the countryside of a small town, something really different to the hustle and bustle of London.

Husband is going to hand his notice today whilst on paternity leave.

That’s fair enough not wanting to move again, fingers crossed for a much happier life not being around those people anymore, if you only thing you may bump into them occasionally that’s not as bad

Your husband should prioritize his well-being and career growth. Taking the job offer with a higher salary and the flexibility of remote work seems like a better option, considering the toxic environment at his current workplace. The longer commute may be manageable given the benefits of increased income and reduced personal stress. It's important to prioritize his mental health and professional growth in this situation.

He has so far generally been opposed to the idea of working from home. What you say about professional health and mental stress, I 100% agree with. The atmosphere at the moment at his work, from what I understand, is not completely toxic but there is a very real chance it could be in the future. It is with the future in mind that we are now trying to separate Husband's work/personal matters so one going bad does not impact the other.

We were just uncertain on how manageable it would all be, home renovations, newborn and also a new job with a much longer commute but some days WFH too. We've never had so much going on at the same time. Thanks for your response, every answer seems to be saying go for the new job so that is what he is doing now.

I'm glad to hear that my thoughts on professional health and mental stress resonated with you. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now, but it's great that you're taking steps to manage it all thoughtfully. Balancing home renovations, a newborn, and a new job with a longer commute and some work-from-home days can be challenging, but it can also lead to positive changes and growth. It's encouraging to see that the feedback has been supportive of your husband taking the new job. Best of luck with everything—I'm sure you'll handle it all wonderfully!

Just an update to all that provided advice. Husband is happy in his new job (so far). We are now not on speaking terms with the other couple as we dont wish to continue to entertain their negativety but at least my husband does not need to be polite at work too!