Leave or soldier on?

[ooforgoodnesssake]

NC for this:
I've been with my husband for 15 years and have two kids together.
Basically we tolerate each other rather than enjoying each others company.
We are very far from being each others soul mates.
I feel a need to connect emotionally with a partner and he can't really talk about feelings. I also trigger him being defensive if I ask him anything, so often it is easier not to talk. As I see it, the way we are is more like co-parenting in the same house. He seems to think it's fine but maybe he just wants it to be fine.

We both want it to work. We have fun when we are together with friends but when it is the two of us we bicker and it feels tense.
I avoid doing things as a family of four as I find it quite stressful. We've had marriage counselling before, put effort in, it works for a bit and then goes back to the same patterns.
Part of me feels like I'm committed to this and just need to see it through but the other part feels like life is short and I think we may both feel happier in the future if we found someone we were more compatible with, or even if I was on my own.
Is it ridiculous to leave an ok marriage?
I'm in my early 40s if that makes a difference. Kids 9&14

I could’ve wrote this myself so can’t give any advice but about to go have yet another conversation with DH. Everything gets turned back on me and we go in circles!

You can leave a marriage for whatever reason you want.

I think if I was you, I’ll ask myself the following questions:

• is he a good dad and is this the kind of relationship I am ok with setting the norm for my kids
• Am I just hanging on till the kids are older or am I better off divorcing now, will the kids be ok?
• am I going to be ok being divorced from him (financially/ emotionally)
• am I ok with never feeling like I’m loved/ wanted for the rest of my life
• how would I feel if he tells me he’s leaving me, am I going to be relieved?
• I need to make sure I’m ok with being by myself, there’s a chance I’ll leave and never find love and I’m ok with that

I also trigger him being defensive if I ask him anything, so often it is easier not to talk.
So you are basically shut down and unable to discuss anything. Are you walking on eggshells or just cba with it all anymore?

We both want it to work.
Are you really sure about that? Usually someone just pays lip service to working on it, and ultimately it fails and the whole family limps along in a special type of hell.

Leave. There's nothing to stay for. There is no point teaching your children that it's better to stay in a toxic environment, or that material possessions matter more than anything else. What support as a partner is he giving you (or you to him)?

Finally - if he walks out tomorrow how would you feel? Relieved, excited for the future, humilated or terrified?

@Greenfinger7777 oh really. It's not really something I hear anyone talk about.
I feel like most would say that the best thing for all involved is just to soldier on unless the relationship is toxic. For us, it just takes so much effort on both our parts to rub along in a way that is functional.
We manage it most of the time but basically we are just not on the same wavelength and both feel frustrated with one another. I really want to love him, but I'm not convinced it is ever going to get any easier and once the kids have left, then what...