How do you not lose yourself in a relationship?

[Tellmeifimwrong]

I'm one of those people who lose themselves entirely in relationships. I get completely drawn in, addicted to that new love feeling, and almost lose my identity. I don't know how to stop it. I have such a good life outside of relationships - loads of hobbies, loads of friends, two great kids who I lone parent, a job that I enjoy, I barely leave myself any time for this ridiculous relationship behaviour because I don't want to stop doing all the things I enjoy. And yet it still happens! I don't want to give up on relationships - I do really enjoy them and I'd like to meet someone I can grow old with. I'm at the start of a new relationship now and I can feel the same thing happening, it's like obsessive thinking and imagining of our future. Honestly it's ridiculous and I hate it!

It’s pretty normal. Just may be the way you are wired. Just acknowledge it and step back and understand this is what you are doing and to be careful with it

Is it normal? I barely know the guy but I've already imagined our wedding 🤣

Well I think our head fast forwards sometimes to see if ot can work.

I’m dating and have been for a few months - I’m 50 he’s 53. I divorced 10 years ago last relationship 4 years ago lots of dates since but I always listened to my red flags and ended it after 1,2,4 dates. This one is going somewhere. We talk for hours, we love the same things, on the same page …. He widowed but 4 years ago. We have kids no rush. He is so kind, clever, nice and all round nice guy. No messing he phones when he says he will, dates are fun, he is polite and courageous- he’s maybe not 100% my type physically but he’s tall and Dad shaped but my heart is falling big time - and he is too. It that such a bad thing ? I’m not financially attached to him or introduced him to my kids. But yes thought about how and when I may do it - slightly different for him as his son is much older and adult. We love 40 minutes away so thinking about where we might live long term it’s normal I think or if we might get married etc

This is normal! I've done this on the way home from good first dates!

Don't worry, he's bound pick his nose/fart/say something dumb that will break the fantasy. It's not crazy to imagine the future.

What's not good is if you stop prioritising the things you love or doing less with your kids and friends because of a man.

Is it a kind of limerence?
I think it could be coming up with a partner because you don't value yourself as equal in some way, so they must be better/have better taste than you, etc, despite you knowing full well what you like. I got this a lot as a teen when dating and would desperately try to be interested in cars and other silly boy things I had no real desire to know about, until I met them.

I think it is quite normal in small doses/early stages but if it is something you feel takes over and is extreme it sounds as though it might be tied into your self-esteem.

I think it might be tied to self-esteem yes. I've worked so hard to build an enjoyable and independent life which I love, but as soon as a man I'm really into comes along, I lose interest in everything else. I do keep other things going but I have to push myself.