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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

AIBU

4 replies

Loulovesummer · 12/05/2024 19:42

Hi all

just wanted some third party views on this situation as of course my friends tend to ‘side’ with me.

My partner, DDs dad, spends no time with her aside from maybe 5 minutes every few evenings. I do everything as if I was a solo parent and this has been the case for the last 6 months - so since DD was born.

I woke up extremely unwell today, got what partner had last week. He saw how unwell I was and said ‘don’t tell me you expect me not to go to football today’.

I said no as it hadn’t really crossed my mind. However after he said it I was quite upset as I thought it was pretty selfish given he was unwell the week before and I, as usual, did everything with DD and made sure we both kept out of his way so he could rest in silence etc.

AIBU for feeling upset about this? I wouldn’t have expected him not to go to football but I do feel quite bothered that he doesn’t do anything at the best of times, goes to football/pub every weekends, and wouldn’t even be willing to make an exception for me to have a break when unwell. Instead I went to my parents and they watched DD while I laid down.

really not sure if I’m just being mardy as I’m unwell and hot/bothered!!

OP posts:
MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 12/05/2024 19:43

Why are you with him? He sounds completely pointless.

IncognitoUsername · 12/05/2024 19:55

The comment he made was unreasonable - particularly as you hadn’t mentioned it.
As for the not spending time with her, does he know how to interact with her? DB was almost afraid of his DD when she was a newborn, as he had no experience of babies and thought his DW was better placed to know what baby needed. When they talked about it he was more than happy to do things with her, once he’d had a bit of tutoring! Men are crap at admitting they don’t know what to do.

Galectable · 12/05/2024 19:58

Get counselling. Your marriage is on the rocks and you are better off making some hard decisions now than enabling his behaviour for the next 20+ years. Good luck.

OmuraWhale · 12/05/2024 19:59

What a selfish unkind person he is.

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