Sex question

[Norma43]

So I’ve just started seeing a new guy. He is really nice and we get on so well together. Anyway the sex talk has occurred and he says he thinks both partners should surprise each other. Now I have no idea what he expects. I would say I’m fairly adventurous but I have no idea what he likes /dislikes. Thoughts ?

so you’ve not had sex and early days
and he’s already telling you what he thinks “should” happen

twat
and also 🤢

Isn't there a scene in a comedy or maybe it was a meme where the bloke wanted surprises in the bedroom so the woman dressed up as a ninja and scared the shit out of him?

Anyhoooooow, moving on, I do not like the sound of a bloke who wants to surprise me in the bedroom - everything should be fully informed and consensual and you can't have informed consent if you don't know what he's going to do.

It might be fun when you know each other really well, likes and dislikes, and you decide to play some games, but in a new relationship, it sounds like a recipe for disaster.

Bit early for that kind of talk I would have thought. Nothing like feeling pressurised to kill the mood.

I wouldn't think too much into it at this point

Probably porn soaked and wants to do things that you might not consent but he’ll take you by surprise and say that’s what you both agreed.

Too much, too early. Did you ask what he meant by "surprise"? Surely he's the best person to answer this question

Also, none of us know his likes/dislikes. So again, did you ask him what these were?

Yep, "surprise" anal sex or something.

Buy matching pj's...

I’d want to know how you should check consent if you are surprising each other? Say there are things you don’t yet want do, and would hate being surprised by.

Say spontaneity is great, but trust has to be built.

I'd be a bit taken aback at that... not only cos of surprising each other thing but also cos of him saying 'should' as someone else said. Did he ask what you thought or just say that? I would be a bit put off tbh

Surprise him with a huge dildo up his arse

What an idiot he is 🙄

Yep.
There should be no surprises.

Just tell him surprises are not on the cards and things should be discussed.

Personally, l am not the “surprise me” type. ‘Only exception is if someone turns up in the bedroom with a bottle of Bollinger.

I'd be surprising hi with telling him no thanks. Not nice atall to make you feel you have to perform Bin him off.

Sound like he's preparing the ground to be dominant and controlling during sex, and his excuse will be he wanted to 'surprise' you.

Be prepared for being 'blamed' for being 'too vanilla' and therefore 'boring' for him in bed.

Also be on your guard for a 'surprise' extra participant too 😶

I think the surprise is that he is now single again.

Amazon is your friend

Buy the BIGGEST strap-on you can find . .

No problem at all with discussing stuff beforehand - helps to work out compatibility and also makes things less awkward. Just because he likes surprises, if you don't you can say that.

I had an ex last year and after some fumbling we did discuss likes and dislikes, she liked her boobs played with quite roughly (by my standards) so when we did sleep together it was less awkward.

A pre sex conversation with someone new is always a good thing. For example, l won’t have sex with someone who won’t go down on me. So that needs talking about first. As do condoms.

The problem here is not discussing things beforehand. She says in the op she has no idea of what he likes or doesn't.

"Surprise each other" is far too vague and risky for a couple who have never slept together and who haven't established trust or what's normal for them, let alone surprising.

Particularly risky for the woman, unless she surprises him with a tazer and handcuffs 😂.

Oh my this has me day 🤣