Anyone from UK/Ireland in a long distance relationship with someone in the US?

[Boundaries84]

I've been chatting to someone in California for a month now, we aren't in a relationship. I'm in the UK so it's an 11 hour flight. I am really starting to like him and just curious to know if anyone here is in a relationship with someone from the US. How did you meet? Have you met in person yet and how is it going?

It isn’t possible. The distance is just too great and the time difference and cost of visiting just mean it can’t continue. My colleague met someone he felt this way when on holiday in Las Vegas and tried to maintain it but it very quickly fizzled out.

@Woodstocks yeah here's an 8 hour time difference. When he is getting off work , I'm basically going to sleep. Oh well , I will just continue enjoy chatting to him and try and have no expectations from it. Thanks 😊

I did a 7 time-zone long-distance relationship with my DH before we got married. BUT we had dated for over a year in-person before going LD, and after about a year apart, we started to put plans in place for one of us to uproot and permanently move. It was a really tough year-and-a-half TBH, and I was always crying at the airport at the end of each visit. Phone calls weren’t easy either, because of the time difference. I was really lonely and sad during that time of my life.

We had a proper boyfriend/girlfriend relationship before going LD, so I’m unsure how it would work starting out as an online relationship. If it goes anywhere, one of you will have to move and the work/visa situation is an absolute nightmare/nearly impossible.

Yes, absolutely possible, though I think time together especially in the early days is important. You need to know if there is anything to it other than a fantasy before you invest emotionally and financially. Dh and I were the same distance - he was in the UK, I was in CA for most of the 3 years we were dating. The difference is that we did live together in the same place for about 9 months when we first met, so we did do the traditional dating thing, spent nearly every day together, and when visa issues meant we both needed to move back to our respective homes, the relationship was serious enough that we knew we were looking at marriage and a future together.

It's expensive and it's hard to be together and then have to say goodbye for months at a time. One of us would fly to be with the other every 2-3 months, stay for several weeks, sometimes a couple months, and then go back. We had work that made that possible at the time. The advantage was, I think, that because we weren't going out and doing things, we spent a lot of time just talking in those first few years. So we knew each other really well. We had all the hard conversations. We knew what we wanted out of life and what our values were and how we saw our future. So when I finally got a visa to come to live in the UK, which was a couple months before we got married, we knew what we were getting into and were very sure of our relationship and the future. It's the happiest relationship I've ever had. We've been married 15 years with 2 dc now.

I know someone who is based in Ireland and is in a relationship with someone in Midwest of USA for last 5 years. He does 2 visits of around 3 weeks to USA and she does 2 lots of 2 to 3 weeks in Ireland. They get about 12 weeks physically together a year, but that is all day so it's probably more like half a year time wise if you were both working at same time. It seem to work, they got engaged this year. Maybe 12 weeks of having fun, no work pressures, no getting into routines etc a year is a good way to be. Maybe that is more time than most couples spend together anyway. You definitely appreciate each other by the looks if it and 12 quality weeks a year in a relationship is not bad for most of us. They both have their own houses and life and job and can obviously chat face to face every evening. I can see how it can work but it's a financial commitment too.

I have a longstanding FWB in NYC, which is great: we see each other every few months for a week or so and always have a great time with no outside pressure from the rest of our lives or our jobs and essentially get to exist in a holiday bubble being tourists in each other’s countries and lifestyles.

But we’re both married (open), and have never had any intention of being anything other than excellent friends with excellent benefits who enjoy what we’re doing. We met when we were both single before each of us met our now spouses but were always very clear almost immediately that we had no intention of things becoming serious, because our careers, commitments, friends, families etc are in our respective home cities and neither of us was willing to lose that. If you’re looking for a bit of fun and escapism, all you really need is enough money to afford flights to each other every few weeks and the ability to sometimes be awake for calls in each other’s timezones. But I think if you’re considering pursuing this but are ultimately looking for an actual relationship you need to go into it open eyed about the many obstacles and huge amount of money it’s going to take if you ever want the relationship to be more than long distance. Through DH (who is also from the US, but has indefinite leave in the UK) I know a couple of people who have moved one way or the other for a partner, and it took years and a fortune and a lot of compromise.

Not quite the same, but DH and I did 4 years where he was an equal flight time away for 2 weeks out of every 4 (left mid-morning Sunday, got home lunchtime Saturday 14 days later, and would be home for 1 full weekend before heading off again). And he often had short trips within the EU on his 2 weeks here. That was HARD. And given where he was (dangers) and the cost during the economic crisis, it was not possible for me to visit.

Currently, I am living in the EU (plan is for nearly 4 year stint) and he is still at home (between getting DD through school leaving exams and his changed role not being possible here). I get home for a weekend about once a month/6 weeks on average. He's made it here once.

We're lucky that time zones are not a major issue and VC options are much better than they were before. We sit and eat dinner "together" most nights over FaceTime. But we know each other very well and make it work.

Learning about someone that far away and with that big a time difference is very hard. I find it hard to keep in touch with a couple of good friends on the East Coast US or in the middle of Canada, adding another hour/2 for West Coast would be really tough.

Well think of it this way...on online dating I'd say its important to meet them early to see if there's an actual chemistry. And because men who just want to talk, talk, talk...are often just there for the ego boost. They might even be full blown love bombing narcissists.

So I'd understand the occasional chat with your new American friend but I think it unwise to chat constantly. Be aware of people who try to form a bond with you just so they can drain you in some way shape or form down the line.

Remeber, it's the Internet. They could be anyone.

I have an ex that married a lass from florida he net online. He's an ass who still tries his luck with me and his other exs from time to time as he's a narcissist who needs the ego boost. He moves back and forth from the UK and florida without his wife. He's never happy with his lot. Never has been. I just feel glad I cottoned on who he was. And sorry for her as she probably heard his Scottish accent and thought it was her fairytale about to come true.

There's probably something sexy about romancing someone from a far flung place as you have preconceived notions of say...prom Kings or sexy cowboys or westside story. ....maybe that's just me? xD

But the reality is, there are vampires everywhere. And even the sexy ones will drain you.
So be careful.

I was in the UK and my now husband was in the U.S (East side) so a 5/6 hour time difference. It was hard emotionally at the time but we had so much fun visiting each other and we have been married for almost 8 years. He moved to the west side shortly before our wedding which was a lot harder with the 8 hour time difference so I'm sure you will face more difficulties with this.

Just have fun and see where it takes you 😊. He moved to the UK and we now have 2 children. You never know!