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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DB doesn't know what to make of this, so words of reassurance I can pass on would be welcome.

7 replies

MohairTortoise · 12/05/2024 17:29

DB began having a relationship with a lady about 3 months ago. They have been spending a lot of time together and get along really well. She seems like a nice lady. I have only met her a few times, but they both appear happy, which I'm happy about.
DB is 29 and his gf is 24.
They recently decided to travel around some parts of the UK, starting with the south coast, and are due to leave next week.
Myself, our parents, DB & DB's girlfriend met up last weekend for a meal, and during the meal, DB's gf mentioned that they had paid an impromptu visit to someone she knew at their business, to introduce DB, say goodbye and to explain that she was going travelling with DB.

My father, ever the curious type, asked if this was a friend, and DB's gf looked at DB, and he replied that it was an old flame of gf's.
In what I found to be quite a bizarre conversation that ensued, gf began explaining that she had met this person about a month before meeting DB, this person was engaged to be married, and DB's gf met him through her work. I found the conversation bizarre because it's not the kind of thing I would partake in, nor discuss with my partners family over dinner, even more so in what is a relatively new relationship.

(In short, her job involved selling her companies products to other companies, and that's how she met this person.)

This person was not interested in her companies products, but she visited him again at his business, and invited him to spend the evening at her parents house, where she currently lives.

They spent an evening together, after which she says she didn't see him again.

My parents were puzzled as to why, after not seeing this person since just after New Year 2024, gf felt she needed to pay this person a surprise visit, introduce DB and explain to this person that she was leaving the area to go travelling.
She described it as a fleeting experience, but called him an old flame.
It seemed to be a friendly conversation between my parents and DB's gf, and she appeared to enjoy regaling the tale to them, except now DB is concerned that gf was somehow using him to elicit some sort of response from this person.

I don't know what to make of it, if anything, and DB is not on here, neither are my parents, so I thought I'd ask for your thoughts.

Is this something that has happened to you? Have you been introduced to a brief ex fling with the sole purpose being to explain you have 'moved on'?
Is this even a thing?
Should DB be concerned that gf still has hopes that something more evolved with this person?

OP posts:
IncognitoUsername · 12/05/2024 18:10

Sounds like she was using DB to make the ex jealous.

solice84 · 12/05/2024 18:16

She sounds odd and very immature

Rec0veringAcademic · 12/05/2024 18:20

There's young, and there's young for your age. This woman is both.
I would advise DB not to get drawn in too deep and watch out.

Octavia64 · 12/05/2024 18:22

Hmm.

Could she be worried about DB and is making clear that a friend knows where and who am she is with?

Bumblebeeinatree · 12/05/2024 18:22

Sounds like a stupid thing to talk about, was she struggling to think of anything to throw into the conversation? Did they go specifically to see this one person or was he one of several there?

Wooloohooloo · 12/05/2024 18:23

Three months is still quite a new relationship. He probably doesn't know her that well yet. How long are they travelling together for?

MohairTortoise · 13/05/2024 10:32

They are planning to travel for at least 6 months, possibly more.
Gf isn't worried about being with DB, and is looking forward to visiting different places with him.
She wasn't seeing this man so someone knew where she was. She described it as saying goodbye, and says she doesn't think she will ever see him again.

She was never what I would consider friends with him. She has only seen him a handful of times. Once when she was working and tried to sell her companies products, again when she invited him to spend the evening with her, then again when she spent the evening with him. It's unclear if that was on the same day, and then for the 4th time when she introduced DB to him and explained she was going to go travelling.
It was definitely specifically to see only this man, because he is a sole trader. He doesn't work with anyone else.

OP posts:
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