Relationship with school staff more than 20 years ago

[Boyledegg]

hi all. I am asking for a friend who recently confined in me.

she is is currently in her 40s however she said that when she was in sixth form between the age of 16-18 she was in a “relationship” with the school caretaker at the time. I’m assuming by now he must have retired or moved on.

she said that, they used to do bits at his house, but did not have full intercourse.

she said that she never spoke about it before because she didn’t know it was wrong and she thought they were in love. Now that her own child is approaching the age she was she is realising that what happened to her was wrong and is reliving those times in her head.

I was in complete shock.

how can I support my friend and what advice can I giver her? She is not able to talk about this with her family as they will not understand.

Wow…that is a really big thing for your friend to admit but I bet she does feel a bit better to have spoken to someone she trusts.

To support her I think the main thing is to remind her she is in charge. For whatever reasons she may want to report him or not want to report him. Sh probably won’t want to feel she’s pushed into one route even if it’s the ‘correct’ route

its traumatising to realise a trauma is so when it wasn’t before. Some professional help could really help her, although I am not sure what their legal duty is if a historic crime is discussed in a session? Maybe you could support her with that initial phone call like disclose that you want to talk through some historic things but legally you don’t know where you stand or what you want to happen

best wishes to you and your friend x