Hi, I’m very nervous to post on here but don’t want to open up to my friends about the situation.
My husband and I have been together since our late teens, married 10 years and have 1 pre school daughter and another due very soon (I’m 35 weeks pregnant). We decided jointly between us that I would become a SAHM whilst we’ve got children under school age. I loved my job and had worked hard to be where I was, but at the same time I am still so happy we made this decision and with the nature of my work I know I’ll be able to get back into work in a few years.
My husband is a lovely man, he works incredibly hard for us and doesn’t begrudge me anything. He’s also an absolutely wonderful Daddy.
I just feel quite unappreciated at the moment, and also DH’s behaviour always suggests that he doesn’t really see me as anything other than “Mummy” in the house. This is something he massively denies if I ask but his behaviour really doesn’t match up to his word.
DD attends nursery 2 days a week when I do all the shopping / laundry / housework and then I have a quick half hour “job catch up” every evening whilst DH does her bath before I go up to do story and bedtime. I’m more than happy to do all this because I’m very organised with it, enjoy it and I appreciate that it’s my role as I’m not going out to work. I don’t expect praise and thanks constantly as that’s unnecessary and unrealistic, but I’d appreciate not picking up / tidying up constantly after DH giving me more to do. He’s always been that way, I accept it because he’s never changed in all the years we’ve lived together but now it’s part of just my “job role” if you will I really feel miffed at him acting like he doesn’t have to even put away after himself.
There’s never any appreciation, he forgot Mother’s Day. I nipped over to my Mum’s round the corner that morning at which point he did know what day it was, and when I got home nobody was in. He and DD pulled up in the car an hour later having been out for lunch together and didn’t even send me a text. My Mum and I could have joined them, and when I left for her house at no point did he suggest I come home to go out for lunch. He’s since had two months to make up for this - nothing. I make such an effort for everybody on big occasions and small and it hurts when he doesn’t reciprocate.
I never feel like he’s listening when I talk as once DD is in bed he sits and scrolls endlessly. I don’t mention it as I don’t like to nag. He hasn’t so much as given me a cuddle or a kiss in months whilst I’ve been pregnant, I’ve gently asked if he doesn’t like my pregnant tummy etc as I’m sure that would be common and I’d understand, but he just totally denies that it bothers him at all. I sleep naked because it’s boiling at night and he doesn’t even make any contact with me, just rolls with his back to me and plays on a game on his phone as he says it relaxes him (?!) The other week I got dressed up nice for the first time in months for a girls catch up, I felt really special when I’d finished getting ready and then felt like he didn’t even see me.
Sorry for the really long post, I’m not even sure what point I’m making I just need to vent. And I suppose I’m looking to know is this all normal behaviour, am I feeling oversensitive because of my hormones or should I try and bring everything up again? Like I say I have gently tried to ask about things and I was visibly upset about the Mother’s Day thing at the time, but I just don’t want to make a big deal out of something that might not even be a thing?
Thankyou in advance for any advice :-) xx