Is he a narcissist or just don't care?

[orb567]

So been 'seeing' a guy for an almost a year. Went from talking every single day, and seeing each other occasionally (he's very busy due to work). Then one day he said he can't do this anymore, ok fair enough. It happens. We then carry on texting etc. he ghosted me all last week, then I get a messaging saying he's finding it hard etc. text me the next day to see if I was ok. And now I've sent a few replies he's read and not replying!!! Is he playing games with me deliberately? My head is all over the place.

For attention and drama, and because he’s incapable of dealing with his emotions. And you lap it up thinking he’s opening up to you and it’s all so deep! Don’t be so silly.

Stop trying to figure him out.

Words mean nothing. Action means everything.

So he's sending you messages (words) saying he hates this and does nothing.

Aren't you bored of him, playing silly buggers?

Honestly, trying to understand behaviour like this is tiring and futile. You look for clues, for glimmers of hope, when all you really have to ask is, “does this make me feel good?” If not, then don’t accept it.

(I say this from experience. I spent years trying to figure out someone. The day I said, “actually, that’s enough. I don’t like this” was liberating.)

Stop trying to understand. You won't get to the bottom of this.

Block, ignore, don't give him any more of your time, effort and energy.

Hard though when you really really like someone

Probably hates having this piddling on, feeding his requirements for attention without the possibility of it going anywhere because he doesn't see real prospects. Doesn't like the idea of hurting you by ending it once and for all without having the wit and decency to see that's actually the right thing to do. The whole thing sounds tedious. I'm not being cruel but youre clinging to someone who isn't that keen on you. To him you are quite comforting but not exciting. Someone else won't believe their luck you're interested back. Find him instead. This situation isn't intriguing so stop wasting time

What is there to like about him?

When he chooses to speak to you, he’s nice? When he chooses to speak to you, he cracks a few jokes? When he decides he wants to see you, he brings you a Chinese?

I’m sure he was nice at the beginning, most people are. Are you just going to hang around for the next 12 years and say ‘oh well he was so lovely in 2023.’

The nice guy was a persona OP. The moody, distant, incapable person is who he truly is.

Leave him alone. You are not in a relationship anymore. He said he couldn't do it/ it wasn't working for him. He messages now and again either out of politeness or because he like you well enough to chat to you occasionally. He's not a narcissist. He's not playing games. You are just someone on the periphery of his life now.

He's just not that into you. Move on, games are for kids.

You think it's complicated but it really isn't. He has signalled that he isn't that into you. You should signal back that your self esteem is high enough that you now want to walk away as can't be bothered with someone who doesn't value you.

It's irrelevant that you like him, I'm afraid.

He's not into you.

If he were, you'd know it.

The fact that you're confused means he isn't into you.

We have all been there. The quicker you accept this and move on the better.

Don't take it as a challenge to get him to like you the way you like him. You will humiliate yourself.

Not necessarily. He could be a perfectly ok bloke. He just isn't interested in the OP. He's said. She needs to accept this and leave it alone.

Just leave it now. You may feel better if you block his number and delete it so you don’t receive any communication and not be able to send any on a whim either. When there’s a lot of feelings it can be very difficult to do (we’ve all been there) but you’ll look back and wish you stopped caring a whole lot sooner. Please do it! You could even do it now…

Sounds like he's trying to end the relationship without actually saying so.

I'd leave it alone now OP. It's not going to hurt any less if you make him spell it out to you

He's probably got others on the go, which explains the erratic nature to his contact with you. He's keeping you on the back burner, along with others probably, as he knows you're a safe bet for when he doesn't have other options.

He's told you, you need to listen

Yeah, true that it is easy to say block him but harder to do when you are emotionally invested!

Just be careful because the kinds of games he is playing can generate an artifical kind of attachment to him that will be based on intermittent reinforcement that results in him blowing hot and cold. You can look up how intermittent reinforcement makes bonds in abusive relationships really hard to break.

In this situation you need to get clear about your two choices.

You can choose option one, which is you get to keep things going with him but you also get a drama-filled dynamic that will probably get more exhausting over time and will be harder to leave the more time you invest and the more you engage in the roller-coaster dynamic.

Option two is bringing your focus back to what you feel you want and deserve in a relationship and grieving the loss of what you liked about this man and the loss of the year of your life you put into this.

Good luck.