Don’t even know where to start. Sat here crying and can’t explain why. My mind is in turmoil.
Will try and explain as succinctly as I can. Been with partner 3 years; he moved into my home after 15 months; possibly too soon but not certain on that. I’m 53, he’s 48. Relationship felt good although sexual side was less frequent than previous relationships but nothing concerning me. He’s very extrovert and I’m very introverted but it worked.
I’m honest in saying I have found living with someone else hard to adapt to after raising my child alone for years. I think I need a lot more alone time than my partner and I think I can be selfish in that need.
Much has changed in my life since he moved in. My elderly dad became ill and my mum now cares for him and another family member full time and part of me always thinks I’m not doing enough for them. Had this happened before he moved in I would likely have stayed living alone I think as I feel I need to be as available as I can be to my mum.; I may even have had them move in with me. I do as much as I can though around my work. I think I’m near menopausal and I have no libido or attraction to my partner. I just feel like everything has changed in a short time.
I am irritated by the smallest things. In recent months I know I find fault with my partner and feel incompatible with him now. I go back and forth in my head about wishing I lived alone so I only need to focus on me. Today I started an argument over something pointless and my partner has gone to a friends party without me; quite rightly as I would have been pissed off too.
He said I am distant and he feels shit and I told him I know I am the problem.
I’m sat here crying not knowing what comes next. I feel like I have nothing to give. I know he loves me very much. I don’t know if I just want out of the relationship, or if I’m depressed or menopausal or what? If I don’t know what it is then how the fuck must he feel?
He asked me if I want us to split up and so basically gave me an out and I didn’t take it. I know I’m hurting him and feel so upset about what I have done but also numb at the same time.
I feel like I’m sabotaging the relationship with no understanding of why. Has anyone else been through anything similar? I’ve no one else to talk to. Thank you for reading.