Please help me to have some self respect

[cantgetabus]

The man I'm seeing is very clearly off out on a date tonight.

I know he is. Yet I am doubting myself. Or rather, looking to prove to myself that I've got it wrong. I know I'm doing it and I know he's meeting someone.

I had a traumatic childhood and abusive marriage with subsequent mental health issues but I can't seem to learn. I should know better. I hate myself for being so weak.

Please talk some sense into me.

Spot on ManchesterLu no one needs that in their life. Checking up like that is something I've never done before and don't want to now! You're right

That happened to him years ago

Curry ordered!

No but I'm going to, don't worry

I meant he told me last week - sorry I haven't worded that well!

Dump him now by text while he’s on the date.

I’m confused. He told you he was dating others?

Yeah I’m in the dump him on the date camp.

Have you both actually sat down and had a conversation where you establish what your relationship actually is though? You say you have been " seeing" each other but this doesn't always always mean exclusivity unless you have had that chat about where you stand with each other.

My partner and I were " seeing " each other for 6 months, but we were honest and said we were going on dates because both of us were just testing the waters again after being in relationships and starting to date.

I’m confused. He told you he was dating others?

I am also confused

Just dump him. We can't take many more nonsensical posts!

He didn't tell me he was dating anyone else. He told me a story last week about someone who messed him around. It's not nonsensical.

It's a complete lack of self awareness and decency to tell me that and to be doing the same himself this weekend.

I’m glad you’ve ordered yourself a curry. That’s nice!

8 months isn’t that long, you can do this. You’re better than this. I agree with a pp, that the less drama the better. Keep control and maintain your dignity. Take back that respect you deserve. I hope he’s having a shit date! And when he thinks he’s coming home to you, you crush that idea.

Good luck op.

8 months is long enough to have established exclusivity. I would just be direct. I've become aware that you are dating other people, this situation isn't for me, or what I expect from a relationship, so I'm calling time on us.

So had you talked about being exclusive? Or were you both dating other people? Are you in a committed relationship where you've spoken about wanting to, for example, move in together, travel together, perhaps have children together in the future? What's the situation?

This is exactly what I'm going to say. Thanks. Feeling really shit at the moment but hopefully I won't feel so bad in the morning.

No discussions of big plans but we're both late 40s. I thought it was a given that you don't date or sleep with other people. He certainly knows that I'm not interested in that.

It's not a nice feeing thinking that he's likely having sex with someone else. I know I'm well rid but it's shit! Tomorrow is a new day

OP you’ll feel shit in the morning - it’s normal.

But ALWAYS trust your instinct. When you know - you know.

Because of your past your mind will fuck with you and tell you to ignore your instincts, but that creeping feeling you get is there to keep you safe

Cut him loose and it’s probably gonna sting.

Doing the work podcast is good if you can get past her swearing

He was testing you when he told you this story to see what your reaction would be.

It’s shit OP but he isn’t the last bloke on the planet and he isn’t some amazing guy - otherwise you wouldn’t be feeling like this.

Next !

That would be funny and just desserts

At first I thought maybe you just hadn’t had “the talk yet” and maybe you haven’t, but 8 months in, Jesus! You got this girl, wait until he’s on his next date maybe and video call him so your WhatsApp pic comes up on his phone while he’s on a date 🤣

Did you dump him?

💐

Thank you everyone. I did finish it.