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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I meet biological grandfather?

3 replies

roseability · 03/04/2008 13:41

I am well known to these threads I think!
To recap - I am adopted by my maternal grandmother and her second husband who is not my grandfather (I call them mum & dad). My birth mother is dead and never met my birth father. My birth mother's dad and my grandmother's first husband has never had contact with me. I have only ever heard bad things about him from my parents and apparently he was against them adopting me. Apparently he was also mean to my birth mother, calling her a terrible mother for having me adopted (she had chronic schizophrenia and although a lovely woman, not capable of looking after me).
The other day my aunty (birth mother's sister and of course daughter to my grandfather) phoned me and said he would like to meet me. Before I would have said no believing all the terrible things. However my parents are toxic and I have a terrible relationship with them. Should I meet him to make my own judgement? Bearing in mind he is great grandfather to my DS (2). Or should I leave well alone? My parents don't even know about it, that is how much my family communicate! I am so confused

OP posts:
GrapefruitMoon · 03/04/2008 13:44

Can't hurt to meet him once can it? - but only if you want to of course. At least give him the chance to tell his side of the story... you may meet him and decide you don't want to see him again but if you don't you might always be left wondering...

TotalChaos · 03/04/2008 13:45

agree with Grapefruit Moon.

vixnpips · 03/04/2008 13:51

mmm hard one.. but I can tell you this.
My DH has other children from previous marraige who he never got to see grow up and still doesn't see. ( long story and he desperatly wanted to see them).
There are always two sides to the story and I do know that if his children wanted to see him he would be over the moon, as would we ( his new family). We have moved back to the area near where they live to make it easier should they ever choose to do so as well. It doesn't matter what had been done or said in the past, nor does he want anything from them. He would just love to have the chance to meet them and get to know them, as would I and the children.

So I don't know if this helps, but it might just show the other side?

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