Support please - Partner has left suddenly

[Notagain2356]

Just wanting some comfort.

My partner of 2 years left me suddenly yesterday. I know it’s not the longest relationship, we didn’t have children, but we always said we loved each other so much and both always said we’d found our forever person. Up until a few hours before we’d been (or so i thought) really happy, talking excitedly about our future plans. I’d noticed he had stopped saying i love you as often over the last few weeks and gently asked him about it - which led to a huge outpouring of stuff he’s never shared with me before, and then him telling me he needed to leave as he hasn’t been happy together in a long time. His mind is made up and he’s asked me not to contact him. I’m completely blindsided. I can’t help feeling like i’ve been sold a lie. Why do people do this? :(

Sorry, sounds like there’s someone else involved

I’ve no idea, for their own reasons which you’ll never truly understand. Be kind to yourself, know it’s not you and that you’re completely correct in that it’s not fair

which led to a huge outpouring of stuff he’s never shared with me before, and then him telling me he needed to leave as he hasn’t been happy together in a long time.

Right. I wonder what her name is?

I'm sorry, op, it's shit and he's a fucking coward. He's with another woman and you shouldn't give him another thought. Block his number, have a good cry, and then forge ahead. He's done you a massive favour, you just don't see it right now.

Aaah it's awful when people do this. Total lack of emotional maturity and ability to communicate that there's any kind of problem. They just go through all the conversations that they should be having with you in their head and then decide to end it based on that.

Consider it a bullet dodged, as hard as that will be for you to do right now. You could never have built a happy or successful life with someone completely incapable of addressing or even acknowledging problems.

So sorry

I'm so sorry, that's horrible. My DH had a similar thing happen in his relationship before me. With no warning, she just ghosted him. He had no idea if she was dead or alive. He managed to track down her parents, and it turned out she had fallen back into drugs and was on an epic bender. He never saw her again. That was also a 2 year relationship.

Not helpful, but just wanted you to know you're not alone.

Thank you all for the replies it means a lot. I really don’t want to think it’s someone else but now thinking about a few things it wouldn’t surprise me…

I know it won’t feel like this now, but given the way he deals with his feelings and how he communicates, you dodged a bullet there.

Just had to comment to sympathise- no advice to give. I am 6 months pregnant and my partner told me he wants to go back to casual sex with strangers instead of be with me. Everything seemed perfect before, we had so many plans.
It's a massive shock to the system, I can feel your pain.
I am trying to find the angry instead of the sad and I'm wishing you can do the same thing.
Brighter days are to come now, there's no choice but to believe it

There isn’t always someone else, I think that’s a MN myth. I find that men sometimes get scared when things become too serious, they back off and want to go back to their bachelor being. So sorry, it’s horrible but you will get through this! Take one day at a time and plan some nice things for yourself!

OP, the next few weeks and months are going to feel shit! I can guarantee that! But I promise you, you WILL look back one day and think 'oh my goodness, I can't believe I wasted so much time and pain on that loser'.

First -

• Write a list of all his cons / bad habits / not ideal qualities. Be savage. Include the fact he left you completely in the lurch, didn't communicate effectively and therefore fully betrayed your trust and is not worthy of your respect or energy. Consult this list, regularly.
• Block him, now. Don't entertain breadcrumb messages. Anything less than 'I made a huge mistake and will do anything to prove it' is just him checking to see your still dangling on a rope waiting for him. He doesn't deserve you anymore.
• Pick up a couple of new hobbies. Be bold, do the things you've always wanted to try.
• Book a trip away with your best pal. A overnight, something to look forward to.
• Start listening to Matthew Husseys videos.
• Start running. It is transformative for your mind and body and will help you process your emotions.
• Embrace your feelings as you heal. If your sad, cry it out. Eat ice cream. Be angry. Get those feelings felt then get them out. You'll need to do all that to eventually let them go.
• Vent on here. I promise you will get the support you need. Mumsnet got me through my breakup.

Agreed...its not always but this appears so..to me.
Everything ok until couple hrs before he dropped bombshell etc .i think he was making sure the OW or love interest was a dead cert...