Have I been ghosted?

[Ellena646]

Hi, so I messaged this week about a man who is very quiet in-between dates. I have now not heard from him for 6 days after what I thought was a very good last date (our fourth). After the last four day silence I reached out and asked him out, so I figure it's his turn (not because I am playing games, just considering reciprocity and good manners). I am now wondering if he's just moved on, and my question is, is it normal for a fifty something man to not even bother sending a "it was lovely to meet you, but I'm not feeling it" message? Do they just disappear now without a trace?! What are the rules? I thought if you'd had a few dates you had to use your words at least?

Sounds like it, sorry.

Be wary of him popping back up in a few weeks time as if nothing happened or with a sob-story.

Yep standard. Especially from older men.

It's rude at any age, but it happens. There are probably clues in not communicating much in between. This might suit you, but wouldn't be for me and I would not have got to date 2 without there being flowing chat and banter in between. After 6 days, block and move on, so you don't ever have to wonder if they will ever try to contact you. There's no excuse in the world big enough to accept so he should be gone from your pov whatever the reason is, you don't need to hear it.

Afraid so but what @category12 says is very likely so dont fall for it. Anyone can take 2 minutes to reply.

Sorry but sounds like he’s a typical coward without the common decency to say ‘thanks but I’m not feeling it’. Its rude and childish but he’s shown you who he is so don’t waste any more head space on him.

Sadly some of the older men are the worst behaved when it comes to dating nowadays

Poor communication skills, especially in the beginning, are a total no no for me. For one thing...its really boring!

Giant man toddler. Did you sleep with him last date by any chance? Sorry, hope you find some who deserves you.

Well I'm glad I waited with my husband @Opentooffers as he didn't call me for six days after our first date (very demanding high stress job plus two kids he had at weekends). After that though our next date was always arranged during the previous date.
OP how did he act when on the date? In my experience if a guy is in to you he doesn't hang back. I've dated a guy for nine months and even after nine months (after being on holiday together, meeting his son and spending most weekends together) couldn't actually claim he was my boyfriend. So I asked him and turns out that he wasn't serious and basically I was fine for now, but...
It was clear though - I arranged at least half of our 'dates'. Lesson learned.

Yes I've experienced this with a fifty something man in similar circumstances. Like you I was surprised, I thought people our age would have better manners. He did reappear after 3 months so brace yourself for that as I think it's also pretty common. By which time you'll have well moved on and can enjoy either leaving him on read or not even opening the message.

I don't really message between dates either. Just because we went on a few dates shouldn't mean mean have to share every aspect of my life with them.

That being said, 6 days with out any message at all or indication of the next date plan...isn't ideal. Saying that I think I recently went a week without messaging a guy. Just having date 2 tomorrow after 2 weeks since the last. But I did tell him I wasn't much of a message. And we both agreed our first date was a bit stiff so we're going to shake it up and see if it's workable or not.

I think if you're really into someone...he'd probably have sent messages by now about the plan for the next date at least.

But you can just ask you know. 'Hey so, I notice you're not much of a message person, that's OK but it's making me a little ancy after 6 days haha. Are we going out again or whats the plan?'.

No I hadn't slept with him, thankfully!

Online dating has been such a freak show so far for me, and I thought I'd broken the cycle with this man: intelligent, nice manners, good chemistry... if only he'd bailed out politely, I could have had my first positive online dating experience! Instead I am left trawling through the dates looking for signs that were off, and I can't find any...

I’m early 50s and you wouldn’t believe the amount of men who I either meet or match with on one site (Happn) who talk to you for a short while and then disappear.

I had one man this week arrange to meet me tonight. Then I said should we swap numbers? (So I don’t go to where we’re meeting and he’s either not there or is late). Next thing I know he’s unmatched me. Or you get men like I did with one last year who kept on talking about booty shorts. The manners if anything are worse in their 40s onwards.

@Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain

Im in my 50’s and honestly the amount of appalling men out there is shocking. Not just online but out in the wild as well.

I had a man I matched with the on OLD and spoke to on the phone 2-3 times in a week - he always called me. We were due to meet on Saturday and Friday night he said he’d call in the evening. He messaged be at 6 saying he was running a bit late at work so would I be about at 8 for a call? I said yes and he said great I’ll call you then.

8 came and went so at 8.30 I messaged and said if you’re busy let me know as I don’t want to just sit here waiting for a call. He read the message and didn’t reply. Then the following morning I noticed I’d been blocked - and he’s mid 50’s 🤷‍♀️ Why go to so much effort to talk shit?

You'd think the older they are, the more they'd understand about how to treat people?!

I have a theory that a lot of them come out of long marriages and have no idea how to date in the 21st century or actually speak to women.

Honestly I could write a book about me and my 50 something friends dating horror stories the last few years.

yeah this guy was married a really long time, so I expect you are right. He also said that he couldn't get anything "to stick" in the last three years of dating... well I wonder why?!!!

Bullet dodged - that's how I'd look at it now.

Update: Yeah, I was ghosted... what an arse!!

How rude of him ..no manners clearly

They can talk the talk ,but can't walk the walk
Probs all got ED

It's just the majority of men in general. I'm 31 and had this off a 39 year old man. It's bizarre behaviour, really. I don't mind rejection. I do not understand why it's so difficult to say, "Sorry, I'm not interested" 🤷‍♀️