How do you cope emotionally when your child is estranged

[Sundayfunday5]

I’ve posted about the situation before, things are no different really.

DD is 20, and due to her allegiance with her father over a situation, which is not my doing, she has chosen to go no contact with me.
This has gone on for a year now.

We have gone from having multiple contacts, in the form of seeing each other, telephone calls and messages, to nothing.
I text her daily to just keep the line of contact open for her. She has not asked me to stop this.
So this is our only contact, other than the odd times when I text asking her to look in on her pet that I still have with me until she can take it back.

I know the usual questions will be asked, but please know that this situation is not my doing. Her father and his family are so toxic, and she is choosing to take on board what they are telling her.

I’m struggling so much. I feel as though I’m going through some kind of grieving process for someone who is still alive. Sometimes I don’t feel as low, but for the last couple of weeks it’s been really difficult.
I’m struggling to keep it together at work.

I know there’s not much I can do, I’ve reached out to her a couple of months ago but not made her aware as all the info on estrangement says never to make the situation about you as an estranged parents feelings.

I think I'd try to find a trusted therapist, as it is like grief, it's very tough I'm sure. I think journalling might help.

I'd perhaps write letters to her, not to send, but to express what I would wish I could say.

Can you talk to friends about it?

I'm in the same position with my daughter. I haven't seen or spoken to her in 2 years now and she's almost 14 so court can't force her to do anything. Parental alienation was acknowledged by social services.

It's horrific to be honest with you. You're literally grieving a living person. I successfully manage not to think about it most of the time because id just cry all day if I did. The sense of loss is huge, not only for the current things you're missing but also their future and yours with them. My daughter doesn't have a phone as dad won't allow, he set her up an email address she has no access to, and anything I post they just shove straight back through my door the next day. I can't drip love when every attempt is blocked so I'm facing the prospect of having to just wait for her to get in touch when she's older. I would suggest talking about it to whoever you need to, the grief can be all consuming sometimes. I have PTSD as a result of what her dad has done to me by taking her away, and I can't yet see a way my life will ever be truly whole again without her in it.

I feel certain in your situation she will get in contact. Children remember love and kindness just as much as they remember hate and pain. They want to love their parents.

The fact she's not asked you to stop texting her, and you have her beloved animal says it all.
It won't be a forever thing, she probably most likely feels conflicted wanting to keep one parent happy yet in her own right & self knows it's wrong. She's probably very unhappy.

Give her time, she'll come round.

@qwertyqwertyqwertyqwerty I do journal, and have lovely friends to talk to. I’ve been thinking about therapy, definitely need to do something.
I know it’s situational, and I need to learn to live with things as they are but might be helpful to have some professional support.

@WhamBamThankU my heart goes out to you. It must be awful knowing there is nothing you can do and that your child’s father is blocking your attempts to contact her
I hope you have some outlet for your feelings, a good friend, or a therapist. Have you explored therapy that will help your PTSD?
If you feel I can help in any way please let me know. I’ll listen to you as someone in a similar position.

@RedHelenB and @MeMyCatsAndMyBooks, I really hope she will come round. I thought we had a really lovely Mum/daughter relationship.
I do agree that she is unhappy, this will be affecting her too.

@Sundayfunday5

Happy to privately chat with you as we're in very similar positions. I'm not sure how to DM?

I don’t have the experience but my heart goes out to you. What you describe sounds heartbreaking but to me it seems you are doing all you can do-ensuring she knows you love her, caring for her pet and leaving the door open. I do hope she comes back to you-sometimes, kids need to get some maturity behind them. Best wishes.

@WhamBamThankU I’ve sent you a message.

@HesterRoon thank you. That’s all I can hope for.

Gransnet have an estrangement section, which offers support, if it helps.

https://www.gransnet.com/forums/estrangement/1332789-The-next-thread-for-friendship-advice-and-support-if-estrangement-has-affected-your-life

Thank you @Boomer55, I’ll have a look