My best friend is making terrible choices but only confiding in me and I’m so worried

[Trainspotterted]

My friend is in a really tricky situation with a pregnancy to a fling, dodgy work situation and living situation. She could easily make her life a lot easier/straight forward but she is choosing the opposite of the ‘easy’ choices. She also has said she is only telling me these things so it’s a lot to take on. I am so worried about her for when the baby comes and she has left herself with no support, job or house. She has a very unrealistic view of the world. Should I just take a step back?

how Old is she?

39, so not young and silly

Then just step back a bit. At 39, she may be evaluating things differently than you would, but there may be a rationality to her choices. Waning fertility does become a consideration. She may also just be irresponsible.

Either way, you can’t win this conversation. She has to make her decisions independently and if you can’t give her that space or it is hurting you to be her support system then step back.

An unrealistic view of the world?

Can you say more about that?

She thinks she’s deserves everything and that she can manifest things rather than make sensible pragmatic choices. This has never really worked for you as you can imagine but now with a baby coming it definitely won’t work

'Anna, I love you but you're acting like a fucking idiot. The world won't give you shit unless you are prepared to take it. You have options. Sensible ones that won't leave you broke, homeless with a baby. Because heads up, you aren't moving in with me when it goes tits up!'

It is unfair of her to make you her only confidant. Don't be afraid to tell her that you need a break if her confiding becomes overwhelming. It might also be worth you thinking about your boundaries in terms of how you feel confident supporting her long term. What is sustainable for you, emotionally, physically and materially?

This is great advice.

OP, if you’re the only person she’s telling all this to then it’s because she feels you won’t judge her, where others might. I’ve been where you are, with a friend in a long-distance ‘situationship’. It was draining to be her only support, and in the end I had to pull back from our friendship as it was upsetting to hear her delusions about a man who, to be fair, had told her from the start that he didn’t want a relationship. It took a few months, but we are getting back to normal now.

You're a really great friend - make sure to look after yourself as well x