Unfunny jokes

[jimbort]

How do you deal with jokes that you don't find funny? As I get older I'm just increasingly finding some of the humour around me not funny and I have one of those resting faces. I try to laugh or smile but always feel like it's coming off rude or standoffish and it's exhausting doing this at work all day. (Work in an office in quite a male dominated environment and the only other female in the team copes by joking about them bullying her or just constantly laughs at them) most of their jokes are laughing at people and their abilities , some sexism type stuff around keeping their wives happy. They probably think I am uptight and I guess I am.

If the jokes are making you feel uncomfortable then you would be within your rights to speak to HR - particularly about the sexist stuff. It’s unlikely to make you the most popular person though, so depends on how you get on with these people generally.
I think humour in general has developed over the past few years so what was seen as funny years ago is now seen as racist/sexist/ableist etc. Some people haven’t moved on. BIL has a love of a racist joke - I just leave the room when he starts with them.

"most of their jokes are laughing at people and their abilities, some sexism type stuff around keeping their wives happy"

I am well into middle age and I can't be bothered pandering to unfunny jokes any more either. These 'jokes' come from an unkind and bigoted place so would simply provoke my silence, a head shake or an eye roll.

I appreciate that if you are aiming not to be viewed as uptight this may be an unhelpful response, but I do think it is better in general, in life, to present one's genuine, authentic self.

I'd just say 'hilarious' with a deadpan face. Or things like 'ooft that one's a belter, you really got me there. How long did it take you to think up?'.

If their jokes fall flat then they aren't getting the ego boost from them.

I wouldn't go to hr, that's overkill. Just act bored.

But when they say something interesting or nice, that's when you show warmth and intrigue. They get the rush of dopamine from you when they display behaviour you like. So they learn to repeat that behaviour. Not the stuff that gives them no reaction.

They probably think I am uptight and I guess I am.

I had this in a group I was in a few years ago. There was one guy who kept making smutty, little boy type jokes that most people laughed at, some I assume just to show willing, but I was finding it more and more disgusting and refused to laugh. I did worry about being seen as a killjoy but now that I'm older and have fewer fucks to give I don't mind my face letting people like that know what I think of their behaviour.

@jimbort can you pretend not to hear? If they make a fuss ask them to repeat it and just give the smallest "Oh, right" so that they go away and have a serious think about their behaviour. Asking them to repeat it will hopefully make them realise it's not worth saying twice.

Thanks. I will do a mixture of the above. I've spoken to HR off the record and been told they don't love the culture there but I guess it's mostly to be the change I want to see and remain true to myself. Thanks for reassuring me I don't have to waste energy getting a fake laugh and using it.