Bit of a backstory with this guy.
TLDR: don't know if guy from past just wants to hook up or trying to start a new thing- also thought he might be my dd's dad at one point. He's not, how to navigate.
As I've done TLDR, please don't moan at me for the story length. The story is there for those who would like to know more and help me figure this out :)
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I was living abroad and we hooked up on the first date. We used a condom. I was young and fancy free and was getting over a huge heartbreak which involved a miscarriage, so going through a more carefree time, in my quest to get past the heartache. A few days later I had to leave the area I met him in, and ended up being pursued by someone else who I regrettably, let pressure me into sex and ended up assaulting me without a condom and I ended up pregnant. Me and guy 1 kept chatting a bit, but I knew I wasn't right for him, as I was still heartbroken and easily pressured by other men at the time, and possibly easily manipulated, and then I was pregnant. I'm not that person any more. I did like him more than a casual thing, but I wasn't wanting it at the time. I felt bad when I told him I was pregnant by someone else, as we had shared a bit of an emotional connected.
Fast forward to today, I'm a single mum back here and haven't had a hook up since. I've been in two short term relationships since which didn't work out. (A few months each). I'm not interested in casual sex any more and more focused on building a better life for myself and open to being in a steady relationship one day.
Haven't spoken to guy 1 for years and suddenly he messages me saying he's coming to the UK in the next year or so and wants to come and visit me. I had forgotten he existed until yesterday and it was very overwhelming and also confusing. We had joked a couple of times when I was pregnant about him being my dd's dad but both agreed it couldn't be possible as we used a condom. I did ask him to do a DNA test to put my mind at ease, as these things arent 100 percent fool proof and he refused saying he had too much going on in his life to be a dad. Anyway I ended up doing a my heritage test six months later and she had the second guys ethnicities mixed with mine. But I didn't tell guy 1 as I had deleted his number by then and he'd upset me by his attitude towards it all. I said to myself if he messaged me to check, I'd put his mind at ease. I concluded if he was that worried he would have done the dna test and he was pretty certain he wasn't the dad, so its not like he was going out of his way to put his own mind at ease.
So he messages me yesterday, four years later saying he's thinking to visit europe, and that he'd come to see me when he does, then suddenly starts asking for pics of my DD and if I did the DNA test with the other guy. I tell him about her ethnicity and he drops it. Then he starts getting all sentimental asking me if the dad is in her life and how sorry he is that she doesn't have her dad in her life and how strong I am. He said goodnight and that he'd try to visit if he travelled nearby, and I could message him whenever I wanted to chat.
Part of me kinda wanted him to just leave me alone, but then the other part remembered him as a nice guy who I just met during awkward circumstances in my life. I was just quite stoic during the whole exchange as it had been an upsetting conversation, when we last spoke four years ago.
But then suddenly after we said goodnight (was night time where he is and morning here), he started saying about maybe making babies but not make any actual babies. I said I thought he was in a relationship and he said no. Then he started saying about remembering how nice my body was and how he'd take care of it (he trained in massage therapy since I last saw him). I just replied 'i don't really do hook ups any more' and he said 'ok I understand'. We haven't spoken since. The whole thing feels so awkward and I don't know if I should just be open to a friendship with a potentially nice person or leave it alone. I've turned him down now with my reply so I don't know if the ball is in his or my court. Thing is he was never sleazy before. He was even extra respectable as one night after we hooked up I ended up getting thrown out of the couch surfing place I was in, as the guy was a bit unstable and wanted me to sleep with him and guy 1 coincidentally found me in the park and tried to help me find somewhere. When he couldn't help he let me stay over (i had somewhere new lined up for the next day, hence leaving the area), and didnt try anything with me. I thanked him for being respectful the next day and he said he didn't think it would be right to try anything that night. So I don't know him as a sleaze and suddenly he comes across sleazy? Or is he just trying to instigate some flirting all of a sudden?
So many questions in my head..why did he suddenly get in touch? Is he planning on travelling and just wanting to line up some sure things (surely he must know how easy it is to hook up in hostels when backpacking), or is he just trying to start a new chapter and thought I'd be a good place to look for it? Are there any red flags I'm not seeing.
I can't believe he's taking up so much headspace whe I hadn't even remembered about him for four years.