Can a 5 year old be angry at the world?

[mumasaurus]

I spent parts of my childhood in care. My first experience of this was at 5 when my sister and I spent over a year in a childrens' home. I recently found a lady who'd cared for me there through facebook! She was able to tell me bits about myself at that age. It was fascinating to find out and to compare what she remembered to me now. She told me that I was angry when I arrived and often sullen, but happy with a sense of humour when I relaxed.
When I talked to dp about what she'd said, he found it very difficult to think I could have been angry at my mum, angry at rejection etc. at such a young age, particularly as I had not experienced by that point severe physical abuse, sexual abuse etc.
I am interested to know if a small child can absorb enough of their surroundings to become profoundly affected. Or was I just born sullen?

I'm quite sure they can. Don't you sometimes remember how you felt, being five? You're a thinking, feeling person by then, you just don't know very much because you haven't had time to learn. I can quite clearly remember thinking some things were just wrong, when I can't have been more than five. I also remember screaming the place down with fury when they tried to give me a nasty tasting medicine - I was probably no more than three. I was angry not just because it tasted bad, but because MY PARENTS, those people who were supposed to take care of me and do things better, were doing something to me that was bad (Either I wasn't quite old enough to understand the "it's for your own good" argument, or I rejected it).

So yes indeed, at five you can be very angry indeed, perhaps more so than later in life when you can understand the whys and wherefores. I've had to do horrible things to my children too, like taking them for inoculations - hopefully they eventually understand and forgive.

"make things better", that should be, of course.

My ds had a bad shock when he was 6 (finding out that a lady he had known and been fond of had been murdered). He was still a very angry and unhappy little boy months later, to the extent of mild selfharming and talking of killing himself. I had to teach him to take out his anger in safe ways, like beating up the bedclothes, and he had a special codeword he could use when he needed me to come away with him so he could talk to me. He has got over it now, but I don't suppose he will ever forget.

So I can well believe that you were angry. For a child, being rejected by a parent (or perceiving that they are rejected) is just about the most hurtful thing that can happen. And children can't make allowances.

yes, i have no doubt.

Absolutely. If you think about what an average five-year-old's life is like:

get dressed now/drink this now/go to the loo now/put your coat on now/we're going out now/stop shouting please/pick that up please/eat some more please/ don't do that etc etc etc

and then add to that an abrupt separation from your mother/having to leaving your home and familiar surroundings at such an early age ...

... it's perfectly natural for you to have been FURIOUS !!!

Anger is just a way of expressing hurt, frustration or fear; all three very natural emotions to feel in those circumstances.

Could you perhaps get your dp to read some books on early childhood development? He'd then understand a bit more about the significance of the first five years ...

I was such an angry child, and I really don't know where it came from...even my earliest memories are of being intensely frustrated, self-conscious and unable to understand my feelings. It didn't help that I was then viciously bullied by an older cousin who destroyed my self-esteem (twat) but even before that started (and I was very young when it started) I think I was just predisposed to negative feelings.

So yes, a five year old can be angry at the world. You don't have the tools to process events and emotions at that age, so it all just turns into a big mess. IME anyway.

Yes. Without any doubt.

If you would like your DP to gain a better understanding of very young children's emotions, you could give him "The Science of Parenting" (Dorling Kindersley) to read.

Yes, Absolutely. Children can be affected by what happens around them, look at the support that is rightly provided for children who experience a close death, either of a friend or family member.