Struggling in relationship

[Werehalfwaythere]

I'm looking for some advice and to see if anyone relates, please.

We've been together for nearly 20 years and pre-kids it was an easy relationship. I admit, we've never had the passion, at least I haven't, but he was kind, caring, fun and reliable and generally we plod along nicely together with similar life goals.

Fast forward to 7 years ago when we had our first child, we've now had three children. (Including a set of twins), both working full time (out of choice and necessity) and life is now just incredibly stressful. We have different approaches to parenting which is our biggest issue and causes lots of bickering.

My youngest is now 3 and I'm almost done in the relationship. I'm just tired. Tired of having the parent and live with someone who doesn't do it like me (I know how that sounds). Having to conflict resolution constantly. We lack intimacy and whist we have sex, the kisses, hugs, and emotional communication have stopped.

We spend every evening doing our own thing in the house. I no longer seek his company as I'm just shattered.

I'm worried for us to be honest. We want it to work, we're both commited, but it's getting harder not easier and I guess we're drifting apart. My priority is now the children and I have nothing else to give him, I'm all out of energy.

Is this normal? Will it get better? If we ever split, I wouldn't want anyone else. I just long for peace and quiet and alone time!

Sounds like the classic thing of not making time for each other too as well as poor communication.

So, make time for each other - kids to bed early one night a week and have time together, no phones or distractions - could be a early night for you both or TV box set or whatever you like. Also get childcare and go out too on proper date nights, like it used to be.

Parenting - compromise needed for both, am sure both your views are valid. So sit down and discuss things that are important to you and him, make a list of these so if its for example bedtime routines you disagree on, listen to the others view and see if there is something in the middle. For example you want to do bath, bedtime story and bed, he wants an hour of sitting with them watching TV - maybe 30 mins of TV and short story, or have alternate days doing one then the other.

From what you say everything else is good so if you both want to work on it do it. Otherwise if you walk away you lose your kids some of the time, not great for them and also the financial aspect.