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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What to do? Possibly abusive relationship, help?

17 replies

HappyMom007 · 09/05/2024 19:29

Sorry if this is long but please read and give advice.
with my partner 2 years, he’s always been moody but lately he’s gotten so bad, I can’t do anything right, he’s fine one day then the next he starts arguments where everything is my fault, he threatens to text people I know, he records me in arguments, he has never hit me but grabs me by the hair, pushes and shoves me, threw food over me once, says I’m fat, ugly and that he’s sick of me and that I drive him to do the things he does, he made me delete men off social media but won’t delete women and even adds women I know that he doesn’t and if I bring that up he says he’ll block me. If I cry he says it’s for attention and he mocks me making baby cry noises, He accuses me of cheating, tells me he doesn’t want me then says he does and he just gets stressed .. I feel like I can’t win and I’m so so stressed .. am I crazy thinking this is abuse? He says I’m the abusive one but I am not, I do everything he says to keep him happy but he still argues with me every few days.. please advice ?

OP posts:
yeesh · 09/05/2024 19:34

Of course it is abuse, he sounds vile. You should leave

TwilightSkies · 09/05/2024 19:37

1000% he’s abusing you. Get rid!!!
You need to get away from him, he’s messing with your head and making you question reality.

PeonyAndBlushSuede · 09/05/2024 19:41

“Possibly” abusive relationship? This is definitely an abusive relationship. He sounds like a psychopath.

he has never hit me but … it’s only a matter of time. Please leave him immediately and get yourself to a place of safety. Do you have family and friends you can confide in?

WhenWillTheSunShineIWonder · 09/05/2024 19:41

It’s abuse, and very serious. You need to get out of the relationship right away. Have you got friends or family you can go to for now? Report him to the police, he has physically assaulted you when he has pulled your hair and shoved you. You are at risk and none of this is your fault. Call Women’s Aid if you need help to leave.

category12 · 09/05/2024 19:44

Yes, it's abuse.

He doesn't have to beat the shit out of you for it to be abuse.

titchy · 09/05/2024 20:04

He HAS hit you Confused Grabbing hair, pushing and shoving are just different words for it. It's all physical violence. Leave.

Ioverslept · 09/05/2024 20:07

Of course that is abuse! End the relationship and seek help and make sure you are safe and he can't do anything to you after you leave, he sounds very dangerous.

Scrambledchickens · 09/05/2024 20:09

Please please end this today and never accept awful behaviour like this again. This is not what relationships are .

Bittenonce · 09/05/2024 20:54

You can label it any way you like - the label doesn't matter, he makes you feel shit. Nobody should have to live like that. Get out. If you don't, it will only get worse, until you don't have the strength or self-esteem to do it

Dadjoke007 · 09/05/2024 21:58

Never hit but grabbed hair - same thing !! Leave.

VeraForever · 09/05/2024 22:01

Leave.

PickAChew · 09/05/2024 22:03

Leave. There is no other sensible or safe option.

IDontKnowMargot · 09/05/2024 22:05

You can't win. This won't ever get better you know. He will just get worse and worse. Do you want to be feeling this way at this time next year? Please leave him.

PashaMinaMio · 09/05/2024 22:18

When he pins you against the wall and smacks your face, will that be your version of abuse?

Wake up and smell the coffee.
He’s abusing you.
Leave him and do it soon.

squirrelnutkin10 · 09/05/2024 22:24

classic abuser, he won't change leave him please.

dani9223 · 06/11/2024 11:49

Why would you even need to ask if this is abuse? Are your boundaries and self respect really so low that you can't see it?

Todayistheday25 · 25/01/2025 23:42

Yes this is abusive and you need to get out of there asap. However if I were you I would leave quickly and quietly, or if you can’t do that then get a good friend to come over and help you leave (so he can’t hurt you easily with another person being there as a witness). Most men who are like this tend to lose the plot and go manic when they find out they are going to lose control over you, so be very careful to make sure you protect yourself from harm. Your life is precious and please don’t waste your time and youth on a loser like this. I find it so strange that abusive men all tend to be the same one way or another, and sadly violence tends to be the next step after verbal abuse.
Another tip is to block him (after you have left) post a message on social media to report to you/police if he sends any messages to them which are harmful / harassing, and then close your social media accounts.
Leaving someone like this needs to be swift and firm - once you leave you must not look back.
Wishing you all the best and God Bless (you’re not alone) x

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