MEDIATION

[Girlmummaxx]

rday 21:25
Has anybody gone through the mediation process before?

I have a 5 month old, relationship with coparent has turned sour. He originally stayed with us every other weekend but I felt like he had a massive impact on my every day moods so asked him if he’d start having her by himself on weekends. He’s a hands on dad, helped with night feeds since she was born & has 2 other children from a previous relationship. We split mid pregnancy and he made the pregnancy really stressful but we become close towards the end and up until recently everything was some what okay. He lives in shared accommodation so I was originally anxious about sending her but he reassured that the place was more than safe.
He was due to have her 2 weekends ago, but said it was too short notice and he didn’t have correct set up for her. So we agreed he would have her for the day, following day I dropped off items and he wasn’t in, several guys answered the day and property stank of cigarettes and cannabis. Obviously fuming that he thought this would be a ‘safe’ environment for our daughter to be staying I kicked up a fuss and said I wouldn’t be sending her for overnights in that accommodation so he would need to sort something asap. Hes since stopped payments (have now applied for CMS) and sent me a crappy text and I haven’t heard from him since he said he’s applying for mediation. I had previously asked him if we could set up a parenting plan and he refused. I have my first MIAM appointment next Wednesday which is 45 mins, this weekend would be his weekend to have her - I have sent a text asking if he plans on seeing her at all and if he managed to sort suitable accom for overnight stays as he had mentioned he would be moving. He’s ignored my message. He originally said he was going through mediation and courts for full weekends which I’m so confused about as he hasn’t been stopped from seeing her, just needs to find suitable accom for her to stay and then he’s more than welcome to have her overnight for the weekend. He has been emotionally abusive since I was pregnant and would rather use silence instead of communication even when it comes to our daughter and me trying to be amicable. This guy has literally exhausted me in every way possible, I know we can’t force them to do their role as a parent but what’s the point in him applying for mediation when he’s the one that’s made this difficult?

What kind of things do they ask you in mediation? My anxiety is over pouring & baby is definitely picking up on it and has been awful for me this week. Just after some reassurance on the process

OK - first of all - breathe! It will be Ok.

First meeting with a mediator is not a pressured situation. They will ask for your side of the story and what you are hoping to achieve in your communications with him.

Personally - I am not sure what he is trying to achieve. As it is - you are being overly flexible and accommodating re his time. Most mothers would not even entertain overnights at the age of 5mo. Not with a father who has not really been a part of the baby's life on a daily basis since birth. (you said you separated while pregnant). So - you already offered him something that even a Court won't be giving him. All he has to do is to provide a safe location for contact.

On that - in your place OP - I'd roll this all right back. He clearly can't be trusted to be making responsible decisions if he thought that a house with tobacco/cannabis was a suitable home for the baby. If I were you - I'd not trust his word on any other locations he may line up - and make sure I'd see it myself.
But more importantly - at this juncture I'd only offer him EOW visitations in your home WITHOUT any overnights. As you said those don't work for you.
I'd only consider overnights from about 1yo, and only if you check our the place.

CMS is the way to go on child maintenance. If he is the sort of man who is going to play games of tantrums - it's best to have all of it going through official channels