When is too late to save a marraige?

[usernameisx]

I know there is no one answer to the above but how long do you think you should keep trying to save a marraige before you give up?

I have been with my husband 10 years married for 3 and we had a baby 8 months ago.
We have been going through a very rough stage for the last 6 months, its gotten to the point where we have discussed separation several times and my husband doesnt feel there is hope that we can get things back on track.

There is no doubt having a child has put immense pressure on us and we have neglected each other and the relationship big time. I think we thought it would just get back on track eventually but it's gotten alot worse.
My partner has walked away from the relationship before years ago but we managed to salvage things and they were better than ever after that.

The atmosphere is awful we have lost all emotional connection, my husband doesnt give affection at all anymore but we are still trying to keep our sex life alive as this was previously an issue for us.

I want this more than him but if he was willing to put more effort in I think we could try turn things around. He has said that 6 months being in a bad place is too long to fix things.

Any advice or experiences?

I think your husband is telling you its over, and that you need to listen to him.

Its not about the amount of time but how motivated both partners are to make things work., that matters

I think your husband is an absolute arse for ending things when you have a baby. But if he is saying its over then it is.

If he is walked away before, its not that surprising that he has decided he's off when things got 'less fun' when a baby came along.

He's probably jealous of the fact that your attention is no longer all on him.

When you can't stand them touching you IME. No coming back from that.

Sounds like he's miffed he's not the centre of your world. It's common in the first year after a baby. A big heart to heart and some effort until the dust settles.

Sadly some of them are selfish buggers and find it easy to walk away from their kids.

He's quite pathetic isn't he? Giving each other less attention is par for the course when you have a baby. 6 months is no time at all to give up totally, it's ridiculous of him to say it is. However, the clue is in him already having form for leaving in the past. Basically, he is a man who gives up very easily when things get harder, as they always do having a child.
Don't be surprised if he has tuned out because someone else has given him attention instead. Giving up on marriage and his baby within 6 months is suspiciously quick, therefore, there could be an outside reason you are not aware of that is giving him incentive to chuck the towel in.

I have zero respect for a man who walks away from a marriage/relationship in the first 12 months after having a baby. Everyone should know that having a baby is going to put a strain on even the best relationships. You will have less time and focus for each other, you will both be very tired and making big life adjustments. Any man who walks away in the first year is a coward in my mind, unwilling to put in the hard work and be patient for things turning back around again.

The fact he wants to walk away after 6 tough months, with a new baby tells me he is a quitter, a selfish man, someone you cannot depend upon when the going gets tough.

Personally, I think no matter how things are the first year after a baby is born, you should try to stick it out becaues these first few months are so tough.

However, if he's refusing to even consider it, you are probably better walking away. And it's a sad truth that having a baby can drive a huge wedge into a relationship. Exhaustion and stress for both, physical impact for the woman and, too often, a partner who doesn't seem to accept or understand that life has just completely changed.

Its not too late - this is also common in marriage when a baby comes along.

You both need to sit down calmly and honestly and discuss what you want for the future. You did love each other at some point so has that been totally lost or has it gone and can never come back. The only way to know is to dig in and start things like date nights and time for each other.

My ex and I drifted apart during covid - no sex for ages, we did recover it a bit but there were other issues - had we acted sooner who knows...

It's simply beyond saving when only one person in the marriage actually wants to try.

He has already told you that he feels it's beyond saving for him. He's just marking time until you finally agree with him so that he doesn't feel so guilty.

I would strongly urge you not to make any lasting decisions with such a young baby. The majority of couples find the first few months after having a baby to be damaging to their relationship. You are tired, can be resentful, quick to anger, physical intimacy is not a priority and you're all navigating a new dynamic. It takes kindness, gentleness and a certain amount of holding on for dear life to come out the other side. But it does tend to pass.