Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice please- should I continue?

7 replies

cyclinggirlxo · 09/05/2024 12:09

Matched with this guy online. He’s nice, kind and looking to settle down. Good job and stable income, life together. Im a few years younger but similar to him, I’m in a very good financial position, I’m driven and have my future planned, I have my own place and earn good money. I know I’m very pretty, I and have good criteria for relationships so I’m not in a rush or desperate. We are both young professionals.

But… not much sparks between us. The last guy I matched with, sparks were flying, oh boy we were both so into each other but didn’t work out because he has 2 kids from a previous relationship and his life is less ‘stable’ than me (like a bad boy) so that was a dealbreaker for me. Parted amicably though.

Anyway back to this current guy, he suggested to meet for food but didn’t follow through with an actual date. He’s going on holiday for 3 weeks so hinted would be after that. We’ve been talking for 1 week. Because there’s not much sparks I’m not sure I can wait 3 weeks? Texting can only go so far. I wanna meet to see if there’s something there. If nothing, I’ll move on. I’m not waiting for anyone else, I have other things to do.

If sparks were flying like the last guy, I’d be happy to wait 3 weeks yes but because it’s more of a “boring but stable” encounter this time, there’s not an instant ‘fascination’ with him.

what’s your thoughts? Any advice? Should I just leave it and ghost?

note: I’m a good girl, don’t drink don’t smoke don’t sleep around and I’m a commitment girl and have strong sense of responsibilities and ethics but I can’t help but wonder… why I’m drawn to “bad boys” more than “good guys”. I noticed I like “bad boys”

OP posts:
Dadjoke007 · 09/05/2024 12:15

I would push for meet now, sparks happen face to face and sometimes take a few dates anyway. Keep options open while he is away and then see what happens then

DatingDinosaur · 09/05/2024 12:36

If it was me I'd suggest a date, time and venue to meet up before he goes on holiday. If he was cagey about that I'd assume he doesn't want to get into anything before he goes on holiday and leave it there and get on with my life.

If he got back in touch after his holiday I'd see how I felt then.

It's normal to be attracted to the bad guys. We usually learn the hard way they're not all they're cracked up to be.

Don't confuse lust with attraction and like the poster above says, attraction can grow (IME, lust is instant and the driving force between getting together whereas attraction can develop over time and the sex is good but in a different and better way).

cyclinggirlxo · 09/05/2024 12:48

He just seems like the guy to bring home to meet my parents you know. He’s not handsome but he’s not ugly.

Hm he seems a bit cagey, I’m in his area tmr for something so I thought I’d see if he’s free. He replied I’m busy I’m afraid sorry. That was all. No alternative date or anything.

I don’t even know what to say or reply. Just left it as read. I’m not feeling it and am really over it at this point but at the same time on paper he seems like someone I would like and can grow.

yeh I’m not just looking for sex, I wanna built something long lasting. I wouldn’t look for him if it was for that (but I don’t sleep around anyway).

I just feel like I’m so driven in life that I don’t factor anyone in, everything I plan is based on my salary alone and if someone was to come in, I don’t wanna waste time him going back and forth because he doesn’t know what he wants.

OP posts:
cyclinggirlxo · 09/05/2024 16:52

DatingDinosaur · 09/05/2024 12:36

If it was me I'd suggest a date, time and venue to meet up before he goes on holiday. If he was cagey about that I'd assume he doesn't want to get into anything before he goes on holiday and leave it there and get on with my life.

If he got back in touch after his holiday I'd see how I felt then.

It's normal to be attracted to the bad guys. We usually learn the hard way they're not all they're cracked up to be.

Don't confuse lust with attraction and like the poster above says, attraction can grow (IME, lust is instant and the driving force between getting together whereas attraction can develop over time and the sex is good but in a different and better way).

Yes tried my best to suggest alternatives. Even offered to drive to his area. All I got was bunch of timeline clashes. I’m over it, honestly speechless. Waste of time. Maybe he didn’t want to ever meet in the first place. Right… I’m off online dating. It’s exhausting. I’d rather be alone.

OP posts:
HappyToSmile · 09/05/2024 17:31

A lot of online matches have no intention of meeting, looks like he is just one of those. Could be 1000 reasons for it, but don't let one put you off. And don't put all your eggs in one basket until you've actually met up a few times!

DatingDinosaur · 09/05/2024 17:40

If that's the case then cross this one off your list as "not compatible" (sounds like you have already tbh). Doesn't mean he's a bad guy, just on a different page to you at this moment in time. It doesn't matter what he says he wants longer term or after his holiday, or whatever. It's not working for you right now and that's all that matters.

You'll go through life meeting plenty more guys that fizzle out to nothing for one reason or another or even no reason at all. Just means you just haven't met The One yet.

cyclinggirlxo · 09/05/2024 18:26

HappyToSmile · 09/05/2024 17:31

A lot of online matches have no intention of meeting, looks like he is just one of those. Could be 1000 reasons for it, but don't let one put you off. And don't put all your eggs in one basket until you've actually met up a few times!

It’s fine though. I’m not in a rush to date. I’m 25. He’s the one who voiced out he wants a wife and kid. He’s 31 and wants to settle down.

I wanna travel, move to abroad for my career. I’m not the one who’s desperate. But he’s not doing himself any favour to achieve his goal. He’s the one who’s like “ I really wanna meet you” and “wanna cuddle you” bunch of BS.

Men…

I like things to be done quick and if it’s not right I move on. No hard feelings. I just don’t like time waster. I have better things to do like improve on myself, make more money and build my empire for myself. I don’t factor any man in in my equation until they commit.

thanks, just venting here a bit. Sorry!

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page