Parent Break-up

[H0K]

My step-dad of 13 years has recently told my mum he doesn't want to be with her anymore.
They are in their early 50's and I'm completely and utterly heartbroken for my mum. They love each other, they really do, but they haven't been in love for at least a few years.
There is history of cheating etc from his side and he has tried to explain to my mum that he isn't happy in the relationship anymore and doesn't want it to lead down the cheating road again.
I completely respect this decision and I am trying to be strong for my mum and keep a level head but I just honestly don't know how to help her.

She isn't a high earner, they relied heavily on his income to see them through the month. That alongside her below average credit score and having no savings... I don't know how she is going to cope.

I myself am in a 2 bed rental with my daughter and in receipt of UC alongside my wages and I'm just about getting by myself. Obviously if I have my mum with me, all help I receive will stop... Not to mention the lack of space etc.

My sister and her boyfriend are also currently living with my parents and have said my mum is more than welcome to go with them - they are looking for a rental but will not be in our current city as it is too expensive.. it will be in a town further up the road, at least 30 mins away.

My step dad has said he won't see my mum go without and isn't going to leave her in the lurch.. but he obviously can't keep her forever if they aren't together and eventually he will need to find somewhere for him to live himself.

Emotions are high.. this is still really new but I just don't know how to help my mum.. The thought of her being in a house / flat on her own makes me feel sick with guilt and worry and that she will be lonely but I also need to think about mine and my daughters wellbeing etc.

I'm really looking to see if anyone else has been in this situation and what they did.. or what you would do if it was your mum..

I have a really close relationship with her, see her on average 4-5/7 days a week

Sorry for the ramble i'm just at a total loss :(

Hello OP
I don’t have any direct experience of your situation (taking in parents) but it sounds very hard. It’s great you have such a good relationship with her I am sure she feels the same and is happy to have you close in her life.

its a shame your stepdad does not feel he can carry on. Do you know if they have ever had counselling together or if he would be open to it?

in some ways it’s good he has a measure of who he is, but it’s a shame to take your Mum down with him. Maybe counselling could boost them both back up.

its positive your sister and her boyf are happy to have your mum with them but you would all need to be clear if that is going to happen. 30 mins up the road will be tougher for you than now but if it would give you some reassurance that would be good.

Are they married? Obviously what your mum is legally entitled to will be different if she is married.

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply, sorry it's taken a while to get back to you.

Yes she has mentioned counselling but he's totally checked out.. which is really ironic considering she has pretty much devoted her life to him and he is the one who has done her wrong.
He keeps also saying to me 'I really hope people aren't giving your mum hope because there is none'

They are married but have only ever rented so we're not sure what she would be entitled to following on from this.

He has mentioned paying the rent on the current house for 6 months and 'contributing' moving forward from that but I don't really know where she stands with any of this etc.

She has decided she doesn't want to move to the next town with my sister - I think she is thinking more about being away from me and my daughter than about herself... Nothing new there.

My idea scenario from this is that he helps her move to a smaller property, pays the equivallent amount of the current rent amount for 6 months so she can really get herself on her feet.

Last thing she said to me about it was 'I'm not just taking 6 months rent'

Not sure what she means by that... but they also both have debts so I dont really know where she is going to stand :(

Hi
Thats a shame your step Dad doesn’t want to explore counselling but I suppose that is his right
i also find it strange that in a difficult cost of living time he’s willingly choosing to put both himself and your Mum in what sounds like a more precarious financial situation, but again…that is his right if he wants to do that

From what I know all divorces start with a 50/50 split of any assets, so your mum will be entitled to half of any savings etc your step dad has built up over their marriage and vice versa. Anything from before is not included

if they’ve been renting it sounds like there may not be many assets especially if there are also debts which I think are also regarded as joint if they occurred during the marriage

Its good in a way that he wants to pay to help get your mum on her feet but concerning that she doesn’t seem to want his help? Has she had a look herself at how much properties cost, does your Mum have a realistic sense of what things could look like? I wonder if not, and if she does have a look it might make the sister’s proposition more attractive? It’s kind she wants to stay close to you but if her options are limited you may need to be a bit kind but forceful with her?

I think the proposed plan would need to be agreed with a solicitor so that he doesn’t say one thing and then do another, but I’m not sure how to go about that, sorry

you say they are early 50s, depending on how close to 55 your mum is maybe a longer term plan could be to explore over 55s accommodations when the time comes

https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/care/housing-options/specialist-housing-options/

I don’t know much about citizens advice but they might be able to help explore this

Huge OP this must be very confusing for everyone x