How important is emotional depth in a relationship to you and what does it look like?

[Liverpoollolly]

Just that really- I feel like my recent relationships have lacked emotional depth/connection but have found it hard to put into words what exactly that looks like when with the right person.
how important is that to you?

hopeful bump

Very important. Emotional availability/depth/connection is a prerequisite to form good friendships/romantic relationship.
it’s when we let ourselves be vulnerable and discuss our feelings/problems with our friends/partners. When they make themselves(and us to them) to be themselves and discuss with us issues they have on their mind.

We both prefer to bury our emotions, so have a tacit agreement not to go there!

Very important - I could tell my ex anything and would do. I would know what she is thinking (in a non stalker type way) and know when I needed to make that bit of extra effort to cheer her up. Where you look at her first thing in morning, no makeup - morning breath - and just realise that she is the most beautiful person in the world!

It sounds like you haven't met someone you gel with yet!

I don't think real friendships or romantic relationships are possible without emotional connection. If you didn't have that you'd remain on the level of acquaintances/colleagues etc.

But I suppose 'emotional connection' might mean different things to different people. Some people might enjoy more fun/independence in relationships, but still be capable of emotional depth sometimes. But that wouldn't suit someone who wants more closeness, or to have deep conversations everyday.

I think the really important thing is mutual compatibility, and wanting/needing the same things from a relationship.

I've been with dh for so long now. In the beginning I was out of a messy relationship and emotional depth actually wasn't that big a deal! He was (and is) very gentle, and kind, and loving, but not well-versed in talking about emotions.

Fast forward to now, and we have these moments where we talk for a short time and connect on that level, and it's quite lovely. I can honestly say I would love more of that, but I can't look back and see he's changed. He loves me, I love him, we don't talk about it a lot. I've changed a bit in that I need a bit more love (is it age? I don't know). So in a sense I'm a little sad that it's not available, but that's not him withholding it from me or anything. He's just a low-emotion person with a quiet sort of love going on.

I suppose what I'm saying is, if you absolutely know you need it, look for it and don't compromise. I didn't know I would need it as much as I currently do, and it's not a problem, but I do wonder what it would be like.

It's very important to me. I want:

• To feel safe and supported in sharing my feelings, even when they are complicated and confusing.
• To feel safe and supported in sharing my fears for now and the future.
• To feel safe to talk about things that happened in the past that have contributed to my feelings / my hang ups / my confidences etc..
• To expect to receive care and consideration from a partner and an attempt from them to understand all this.

I want him to share the same in return so I can understand how he feels, his past, what he needs from me, etc..

I am autistic and find it hard to manage my big feelings sometimes so an understanding and loving partner who will work through with me when I am struggling.

It can be tricky in very new relationships. So lots of time away from the bedroom building a genuine relationship talking about who we are. What we want from life, what makes us happy.

We can have massive chemistry with someone and I’ve learned that just because it’s there or you’ve clicked it means nothing in the long run.

Lots of people are unable to connect on this level for fear of showing their true self and bring vulnerable.

A good idea is showing your vulnerable side 2/3 dates in and seeing how they react

Both being able to talk about hurtful things and support each other.

Both being able to deal with conflict in a positive way

Both feeling safe with each other emotionally

But this means both partners have to be actively engaged in doing this

I think successful relationships are built on needs, not wants.

You might WANT a 6'2, dark, handsome, athletic guy, educated, with a six figure salary, no kids, no ex, his own teeth, with an impeccably behaved golden retriever called Scout.

However, you might actually just NEED a guy who loves you enough to put up with your shit.

For me, emotional connection isn't really the be all.

Emotional connection is very important and if it is not there you will feel very lonely, un-understood, distant and there will be no true intimacy. Each partner should be able to share their deepest needs, desires and goals.

To be emotionally close both partners must be able to be silent and listen intently and also be able to speak up and say when things go wrong. Each one must be adult enough to take responsibility for his and her actions and behaviour and be able to ask and accept forgiveness.
And then a good relationship with emotional depth requires each person to self reflect and always consider the other's view. Basicly both partners need a high EQ .