Is this controlling??

[Annon1995]

My partner and I have been together for 14 years and have 2 children together. The past year or so he has become what I regard as obsessed with buying me underwear that he likes and insists that I wear them. Most days he will ask what I am wearing and if it is not a pair he has bought he gets annoyed and makes me feel guilty for not wearing them. When I pointed out that it seemed controlling and I don’t like when he asks me all the time he goes in to defence mode and turns it around on me saying he can’t believe that I think he is controlling and how it is normal for men to want to see their partner in nice underwear. He also says he doesn’t understand why I get so annoyed over it. Am I in the wrong here??

Sorry all I’m new and just worked out you have to click ‘quote’ to reply lol

yes, exactly this. And because he has a little feel to work out what I am wearing. the underwear he likes are Victoria secret that has gems around the band so he can feel that I am wearing them. Then all evening he will be all over me. But if he realises I am not wearing them he doesn’t give me attention

No you're not.

Ok, well then you have a whole other issue here - him being controlling over your underwear suddenly seems like the least of your problems.

Just waiting for the deletion message

No, you don't have to wear the underwear he bought you.
No, if you do wear it, that doesn't mean you want sex.
Yes, it sounds like he has a fetish around women's underwear generally so frankly, I'd be concerned.

He can wear the underwear if he's so attached to them... Assuming he already isn't.

There’s a lot going on beyond the presssure to wear nice underwear. I’m not sure about the swimwear scenario! It’s what you feel comfortable with. I feel you both need to explore what turns you on without pressurising each other. That defeats the purpose. I do think both parties need to explore what turns them one not get complacent.

Not sure either how I would feel about seeing my partner in woman’s swim wear. A bikini or full suit?

You are totally entitled to feel that way. For me id love it if my man would be like that just something about him telling me what to were and when is a turn on for me.