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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Could it ever work again?

8 replies

Matilda46 · 07/05/2024 23:06

I was with my ex for 9 years - we were engaged , owned a house and have a dog. He was the love of my life but as our relationship broke down he got emotionally/ physically abusive and always sought attention from other women. He also stole from me , damaged my property and made me out to be crazy - as a result I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD.

I rent my own place while the house is up for sale and everyday I keep pushing forward but the bottom line is I miss him and no matter how hard I fight it I love him. I crave his cuddles and just our life when it was good. We’ve been apart for a year and a half but I just can’t seem to stop loving him. No matter what dates I go on or how nice people are they just don’t compare to him.

Im terrified I’m never going to meet anyone that makes me stop loving him. Could it work again if I just told him how I felt?

My friends and family all hate him now but deep down I know he’s a good person and maybe this has changed him for the better? I just don’t see myself with anyone but him

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 07/05/2024 23:09

No no NO. Absolutely fucking not. In no universe is he a good person. For the fucking love of god, don't be your own worst enemy. Don't even think of getting back together with this abuser.

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 07/05/2024 23:11

Deep down he’s nothing but a violent abuser.

category12 · 07/05/2024 23:11

He's not a good person. He's a thief and abuser who caused PTSD in you.

You're in love with your own destruction.

You need to seek some help to stay away from him. Which I suppose you're doing in a way by posting here. But you need to do some (more) counselling or therapy.

Matilda46 · 07/05/2024 23:13

@category12 Im on the waiting list for trauma CBT but it’s been 4 months so far - another 2 to go .

OP posts:
Whalesinthefleld · 07/05/2024 23:15

He is not a good person. It would NEVER end well if you go back. You might be craving affection, there are many, many nice men out there who you can potentially have a respectful, loving relationship with. But not this scumbag.

PrincessofWells · 07/05/2024 23:17

Yes, I had one of those. It's called trauma bonding.

catchthepigeon98 · 07/05/2024 23:17

Have you done the freedom programme? Did you report him to the police. Have a look at trauma bond. You can move forwards from this with time please don’t go back

Matilda46 · 07/05/2024 23:22

I know I’m probably not helping myself with trying to date again as it just makes me miss him more. Just no idea how to get over this.

@catchthepigeon98 im on the waiting list for the freedom program and yes I did report to the police but my word against his apparently

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